Saving Grace

Experiential Love

2010-02-10T18:30:00.001-08:00

I wrote this poem after a particularly influential worship night on the Pinnacle mountain.
Who knows if the words are even mine... :)

I want you to experience what I experienced. So read it not just with your eyes, but with your spirit too. That's what it was made for. Enjoy.

Whoever wants it,
Take a blade of grass
From the tufts and rolling hills
Of your pasture, overgrown.

I’m feeling who you are
I’m breathing the very essence of you
Your love, astounding.
My heart is not ready for such a beautiful flame.
I can’t contain it, I’m not ready
The small piece of You floats into my nostrils
And the slightest upward glance
Delivers me into your surrounding embrace.

My body is a flame.

Even my mind has been obliterated
and now I can’t do anything but focus on Your presence in this room.
So thick I can barely see my own two feet
All around me, a host of freedom fighters
Urging me into it…come into the water.

I’d take a step in but my feet are glued down
Each breath, like cement seeping into my lungs.
I’m falling, I’m falling into your atmosphere
Upward, downward I really don’t care
It’s the “inward” that matters
When the outward tends to fail.

But fall into you I go
And I step into a piece of forgotten wonderland…

The troops are rejoicing
My feet pick up speed, and I’m flying now
Each particle of air seems to hit my face with a piercing sort of force
Everything is magnified.
Everything magnifies.
Did I tell You how much I love this?
I go from space to space but I never fall into this place.
Oh but I wish you would.
I would I could.

I’m floating now, silenced in your stillness.
Then He comes……

He comes.
He is here.
My heartbeat quickens, my back is against the wall
Everything moves faster and faster,
My head can’t keep up.
I love you, I want you, I want you not!
I want you now, but I can’t have you here.
I can’t feel any part of me anymore
I’m just a disconnected blob of energy, waiting to explode

But then explode, I do.

Everything outside me wants to come inside
And I’m not sure I’ve made room for You.
I’m so full of You
And I’m so thirsty for You still…

You take me into your heart
Your huge, boundless heart.
It’s an untold mystery
Where everything fits, and nothing melts away
You see each one
With a fire in your eyes.
Fierce love that burns every past sin away.

Your eyes are like deep crystal clear water pools
That never run out
Of Your love, so abounds.

I’m thinking about you,
I’m smelling you,
I’m tasting the sweet parts of you.
You’re a banquet of perfect love,
One that casts out all fear before You.

I’m getting so full
I don’t know if I’ll stay here
I’d love to, I can’t.
So delightful, so terrifying…

Farewell perfect, experiential love.

You’ve once again transformed me in every way,
Touched the deepest, darkest, prickly parts of me
Formed a beautiful, fragrant, bed of flowers for me.
And watched me with awe of what You have created.
How you could look at me with those eyes of fire,
I’m not really sure.
But I’m glad that You did.

And You’ll do it again…

And again.
And again.

Message To My Soul...

2010-01-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

I’m not going to tell you to stop feeling, stop wanting
But I can’t just let it get out of hand…

You’re pulling me down, you’re casting me out.
Like a worm to the raging sea,
You release me to the winds, you fisher of men.
I can’t keep my head above water.

And you’re not helping me.

You’re a problem getter, a problem solver
Never know who to keep close and who to keep away.

To tell the truth, it’s been hard enough just to find the balance
It’s too delicate to touch
So I can’t do anything at all.
I’m a helpless wilting flower
Reaching for a promise.
Full of needs unmet.

But I’m not gone yet, oh I’m not gone just yet…

So I’m writing to you now,
For some grasp on peace or a life fully lived
But I know it’s a cause that’s somewhat worthless
Because you’re you and I’m me
A cold and hardened wall.

One I’m tearing down,
But it’ll take me a while still.
So don’t take me down with you…
Don’t frame my trust.
Or shout out all my secrets
On the way down, crumbly ancient wall.

Don’t waste the beautiful to eliminate the ugly.
Just let yourself breathe and God’ll know what to do.
Settle all your quelling waves
And receive His peace on your swelling, smoldering towns.

If you were a village and I were the earth,
You’d be an uprising in a kingdom
That never gave you position in it’s fully balanced universe.

So stop pushing, stop pulling..
Just give me time.

Give me rest.

Streams School of Ministry BLOG!

2009-11-11T12:21:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have started a brand new Streams School of Ministry Blog for anyone who is interested in what's going on at Streams New Hampshire! The posts will be from fellow interns, intern leaders, or even me :) There may be pictures, testimonies from outreaches, personal experiences, etc. I am the creator/overseer of this blog, but I won't be the only one posting on it...Let me tell you, you are in for a real treat. These are some of my favorite people in the whole world! (And the people I see on a daily basis lol)

I am really excited about this blog, so help me out in advertising it! If you know of anyone interested in Streams School of Ministry, feel free to direct them to the website: http://newhampshire.streamsschoolofministry.com/ or the blog: http://streamsschoolofministry.blogspot.com/

Big thanks to everyone!!!

Jourdan

Hello, Goodbye - Good News & Bad News

2009-09-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, there have been about a million and a half amazing things that have happened to me since I've been here in New Hampshire, and I can't even begin to explain them all in a measly blog post. There's just absolutely no way. So I'm resorting to pictures instead. If you haven't noticed, I get to be outside a lot and I love taking pictures of God's creation. I definitely put my iPhone to good use!

Last week we hiked Mt. Kearsarge, about a 1.2 mile hike with GORGEOUS views at the top. It was a ridiculously hard hike to make, especially after being mostly sedentary in the comfort of my home AC for the past 5 months of living in Arizona. It was super steep, but definitely worth it.

Here are the pictures I took!!

A little New London charm...there were three bathrooms...one for women, one for men, and one for politicians. However, one door hid a delightful surprise! Oh man, small towns crack me up.

the sign reads: "in new hampshire, you never catch a politician with his pants down..." HAHA!

That's the good news...aight, now for the bad news...I have to tell you, I feel compelled to take a bit of a break from my blogging. I am in this new season and I have a lot more on my plate than I used to, and I really want to devote this time to God.

SO

I will be back, I promise. But as of right now I am taking a break. So, thank you for reading, and I will be posting again eventually...just not now :)

Ta ta for now!!!

Blessings,
Jourdan

I Went A'Walking

2009-09-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Today I made the epicest decision to go on the epicest walk ever. So I did! I turned out of the drive and made a left and just kept on walking for hours and hours. I took my lovely iPhone (that I love so much) with me and took some great photos of some great locations. I ended up finding a hidden little lake around some trails I headed down...it was such a delightful surprise! It really reminded me of the lake we used to camp on like 8 times every year. My family reading this will understand... :) Twin Lakes. Without mistake, the most legit redneck "resort" of all time.

I have hundreds more pictures from this one walk, but I pared it down for ya. Pretty sure if I put up all the ones I liked, you'd be scrolling down my blog page for about 45 minutes before finding the 'comment' link. Consider yourselves lucky...

Welcome To Streams!

2009-09-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today is my second day as an intern. It is awesome so far! I went on a walk down the road from the intern house and the sights were absolutely beautiful! Someone I know once said it looked like a mixture of Ireland and the Pride and Prejudice field...I could not agree more. Here are some of the pics I took with my phone:

And, my personal favorite:

My Last Day in Arizona

2009-09-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and a hazy cloud fuzzifying my thought process...Today is the last day I will get to spend with my family before moving to New Hampshire to be an intern at Streams Ministries.

HowEVER! It is also my last day to get all my packing done in preparation for this year long adventure! Mind you, I had absolutely no motivation to do anything having to do with packing...It is my very last day in this house, with this family, and I still have a bunch of packing to do before I get on that plane tomorrow morning!

So when I woke up at 9:00 (earrrrly for me) specifically to finish all the projects I had started over this past week and realized I had such strong feelings against all things packing, it caught me off guard! I have less than 17 hours to pack up my room, make sure that all of my clothes and such fit into my two suitcases that I'm allowed to take with me for a year, and hang out with my family for the last time, and I am what??? Too tired?? Unmotivated? Really??

I suppose the reality of how much time I truly have left didn't quite override the not so reality of "oh i have plenty of time to finish that stuff...sleep is more important!"

Who am I to be so selfish in these last precious hours of my time here with my family?

So after staggering out to the kitchen to make some Mac'n'Cheese for breakfast (I know...I am super unhealthy...what else is new?) I made the command decision to be sedentary no longer. Now I have eaten breakfast and I'm totally ready to start my jam-packed day. Haha, quite literally!

Now all I have to do is pack up the remains of my bedroom and bathroom, clean out my car that I won't be driving anymore, weigh my suitcases to make sure Delta won't be charging me $125 dollars a piece for each suitcase over 50 lbs, do a load of laundry, and find my winter hat. Among other things :)

Oh yes, and the family is all going out to dinner tonight no doubt in a last-ditch attempt to keep me home just a little while longer. They've only come up with about 170 reasons for me to stay...God, I'm gonna miss them.

Hopefully that hazy cloud around my head will get burned off by all the sunshine, because I have all to much to get done to deal with a head-cloud simultaneously.

Feel free to pray for me while I set off on this new God-filled adventure! I'm scared out of my mind, but I know that I know that I know that this is God. I know I'm supposed to be there, and that peace in my heart is the only thing keeping me from staying here.

Heavenly blessings,

XOXO
Jourdan

Best Daddy

2009-09-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

The best daddies are the ones that take you for walks
Down the street with a smile on your face
With an ice cream in your hand
And a sprinkle on your chin...

Today me and the daddy went on a date.
We drove all the way to Scottsdale (a 1hr drive) to go to the swanky mall and pretend we were swanky too :) We listened to The Kooks and rocked out in the Volvo, we drove through the Phoenician (which was so ridiculously exclusive, it was almost comical), walked around the mall and looked at Jimmy Choos, ate some delish food at The Yard House, then drove all the way home with some 'She Moves in Her Own Way'...fabulous day.

Only my dad can make a girl feel truly special, I'm sure of it.
Even if we didn't buy anything nice or expensive, and even though we weren't technically checking in at that fancy hotel, and even though we parked in free parking instead of letting the valet drive our car around, it was one of the best days ever.

The Yard House was uhh-mazing. I had mac'n'cheese that was to DIE for. It had apple bacon, wild mushrooms, chicken, and some funky shaped noodles. Oh. My god. Yeah, let's just say the leftovers are now in the fridge with my name and 'please do not eat' sharpied in big bold letters across the top. Simply scrumptulescent.

And to top it all off, I found an awesome charcoal grey sweater (that is soo soft) at Urban Outfitters to take with me to New Hampshire. Now I'll be uber cozy in my new home.

Perfect.

*me and pops*

Autumn Air & Spiced Cider Cups

2009-09-03T19:59:00.001-07:00

(me and my sis)

It's a season of magic...a time of wishes and dreams...

Autumn wishes begin around September, when the air gets all crispy and so do the leaves...when you start hoping for that blissfully chilly air to invade your summery solace. That tingle-nose feeling when you breathe too much in - an overdose of oxygen. When you start to crave a mug of hot spiced cider...that's when the Autumn wishes start.

I wish I could feel those crunchy leaves under my toes, bare footed and all.

No shoes in the tangy air, just the colorful ground and my rolled up jeans.

I love not knowing if that squishy cold thing was a slug or just a water droplet...oh well. I'll find out later. I love wearing warm snuggly clothes and leaving the warm snuggly house to indulge in a greater kind of creation - His. Just to venture out into the unknown,

a field somewhere you didn't know existed, or a quaint little run-down cottage full of forgotten memories. You can find all sorts of little gems if you just take a walk and look. What's even more fun is when you take a walk and look with your spiritual eyes. You should try it sometime...A spirit focus vs. a soul focus. Watching out for the cool stuff God's doing in your everyday life.

I think everything is more beautiful in the fall...

Hills and plains,
Houses and chimneys,
Overgrown paths and tree lined roads,
Whimsical girls and conquering men...

Everything looks rosy through rose colored glasses, and everything looks magical in the most magical season of all.

Memories - Cali Fun Times

2009-09-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

Well, Cali was awesome.

We went to the beach at least once every day - it was brilliant.

I got to help the sis put together her brand new dorm room and hang out with her till all hours of the night too, which was awesome as well :) Because she's going to be an RA this year she won't have to share her room with anyone else...besides me...when I come to visit...which I most likely will.

I got a wicked sunburn that made me look like a redneck - literally.

I think it's funny that I live in a state that stays at 120 degrees all summer long and I have to go to 70 degree California weather to get a sunburn.

I didn't know I had the stamina to drive 5 or 6 hours straight...good to know.

I found out that The Kooks, The Strokes, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are the BEST artists you could ever bring with you on a long-a$$ road trip.

We (the siblings) realized that turtles are the best pets ever. There were a few at the house we stayed at. We named them Geoffrey and Leonard.

I laughed a lot on this trip.

The end.

Now, I realize you will have no idea what I'm talking about, but I just have to write down these memories...shout out to the sibs!!!

**Unforgettable Memories**
*mama had a baby and her head popped off!!
*noah sleeps with his eyes half open
*the matrix for windmills..(ominously).....they're grown.....
*boogie boarding on the nude beach (it wasn't really nude, but the random kids were...)
*Taco Hell
*we're all techies
*the creepy italian guys learning to surf for the first time
*getting so frickin pissed at zack that you can't help but laugh so hard you pee your pants because right after he ticks you off he says something so hilarious, you can't help but forget what you were mad about in the first place. mm. good times.

Goodbye's Are The Hardest Part

2009-08-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

Here! Have a few pictures!

These are just a few of the many pics I took with my iPhone...some are from my sister's camera that I stole and put on my computer, but for the most part the bad quality ones are from my phone :)

This has been such a fun trip, and I'll be sure to let you all in on the great stories we've had once I get back...But right now I'm packing up for another long ride home in a suburban full of silly siblings. Minus one.

Enjoy.

me and zach...he's the older of the two boys (which are both younger than me) haha, make sense???
sisters...

not like you can even really see noah, but this is me and him! the younger of the two boys which are both younger than me :)

all four of us playing in the water and watching the beautiful sun go down on the ocean..

Au Revoir!!

2009-08-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

Today we are taking my bff sister Jess back to her hometown, San Luis Obispo, CA. School starts very soon and she is off to be a big bad RA!!!! I am so proud of her :) So we are all driving that grueling 10 hour trip back to cali with all her college stuff packed in the car...this should be exciting. It feels like I've made this trip a million times already, but it's worth it!

See you soon, sweet blogosphere!

(me and her with red lipstick...i feel awkward lol)

The Humorous Truth

2009-08-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

A few of my bloggy friends were doing this little survey, so as the dedicated blogger that I am, I decided to jump on the bandwagon! These are just funny little tidbits about me and my values...hopefully your opinion of me doesn't change too much after reading this :)

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6:30 am...Last day of work though!! One...last...day....... :)

2. How do you like your steak? Well done. I don't want to see what it looked like when it was still alive, so please...kill it. Kill it good. I would greatly appreciate it if the cow that I'm eating didn't just walk right off of my plate and back into the pasture that it came from.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Post Grad yesterday with my sister (who is in town for a bit) with Alexis Bledel and the beeeeautiful Zach Gilford. It was cute. Wait, he was cute. Wait, the whole movie was cute!!

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Umm, hellooooo! Gilmore Girls! In case you haven't noticed, the women in my family are all pretty much honorary members of the Gilmore family...oh yeah, that and the fact that random strangers on the street will come up to me and tell me I look uncannilly (is that a word?) like Rory Gilmore.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Ireland, hands down. I've never been, but always wanted to. It is so beautiful there (I've heard) and I wanted to do a study abroad program in Cork for a while, but it didn't really work out. Now I'm going to New Hampshire!!!

6. What did you have for breakfast? Half of an un-fizzy dr. pepper. Yeah. I'm classy like that.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? It's a verrry close tie between Italian and Mexican. But I'm gonna have to go with my heritage here and say Italian.

8. What foods do you dislike? Anchovies, clams, oysters, dirt, cd's, drywall, candle wax, leather...you know.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? An understated, character-filled restaurant with food that tastes like the cook actually cares about what they put on the table. Mmm, those are the good ones.

10. Favorite dressing? The kind that makes an 80 calorie salad into a 350 calorie salad. What can I say, calories taste good!

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? A green Toyota Camry...I call him 'Camo'. Let's just say we had a run in with a lightpost that left him dented and camo-taped for a few years. The name just stuck.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Layered winter clothing is de best!! I hate summer clothes because they seem just so...unimaginative, you know??

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Ireland.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Half full! But who's measuring??

15. Where would you want to retire?
In the mountains somewhere...a peaceful log cabiney cottage with lots and lots of fireplaces, decks, and lookout spots. And maybe a body of water somewhere nearby with fishes in it. And a great kitchen to house all sorts of lovely old people parties.

16. Favorite time of day? I don't have a specific favorite time of day. I do have a favorite time of year though, Christmastime.

17. Where were you born? Upstate New York.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? IIIIIII hate watching sports so much, I'd rather go iceskating in bare feet for 3 hours.

19. Bird watcher? Never tried!

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Sometimes I'm both.

21. Do you have any pets? Not me specifically, but my family has two Maltese dogs. One puppy, one 2 year old. Gabe and Gunner.

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I'm frickin tired today??

23. What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut because every other little girl I knew wanted to be a ballerina and I just had to be different from everybody else :) Well look where that got me? Now I'm a ballet teacher. Karma.

24. What is your best childhood memory? Eating noodles on the kitchen floor with my sister.

25. Are you a cat or dog person? Dog person all the way. But I don't really like animals in general lol

26. Are you married? ha. no.

27. Always wear your seat belt? Of course!

28. Been in a car accident? I don't think so.

29. Any pet peeves? Show off's, I'd say.

30. Favorite Pizza Topping? Hawaiian.

31. Favorite Flower? I like every flower God created!

32. Favorite ice cream? I like vanilla with Hersheys hot fudge and sprinkles on top!

33. Favorite fast food restaurant? DQ Grill and Chill :) It's got the sweet and the salty!!!

34. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Only once, people, only once.

35. From whom did you get your last email? Bank of America...

36. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Buckle.

37. Do anything spontaneous lately? How about my whole life??? Can I just put that?

38. Like your job? You mean the job I don't have?? Haha, today was my last day of work before moving to New Hampshire...

39. Broccoli? Yeah, for sure!

40. What was your favorite vacation? Oregon coast with the whole family. Ughhhh I yearn to go back!

41. Last person you went out to dinner with? The fam!

42. What are you listening to right now? Kim Walker

43. What is your favorite color? Purple.

44. How many tattoos do you have? None, but I imagine I'm soon to have a few!

45. Coffee Drinker? Only with my oxygen!

What time did you finish this quiz? 1:58 pm

Nyquil - The Bane of My Existence

2009-08-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

Funny story time!

So haha joke's on me...I never woke up this morning.

Well, that's not entirely true. I did wake up. Just not at the reasonable hour I wanted to. See, work opens at 7:30 am and, well, I didn't wake up until 7:38. Sound like a familiar story?? Well it is. It conveniently decided to repeat itself a few months ago - the first day of my job. Lucky me.

So here I am, lying in bed at 7:38 am wondering HOW in the WORLD did I miss my alarm?? I mean, I know I set it for 6:30, I just know it!

But alas. There it lay. The secret answer to all my little problems. The Nyquil bottle...sitting right next to the alarm I was supposed to awaken to.

Yes, I had a cold last night, and yes, I took a healthy dose of that stuff at like 11:45 pm.

No, I did not know that when you take Nyquil past a certain point in the evening, you risk not waking up ever again. And no, I did not know that even if you only take a half dose, at 110 pounds it doesn't really matter HOW much you take of that stuff, it will knock you out.

Nyquil. Truly the bane of my existence. You love it, you hate it. It helps you sleep, but it also helps you to never awaken again...especially when you're supposed to awaken for a very important meeting...or a coffee date. Yeah, not so wonderful there.

So at 7:38 am when my mother came traipsing down the stairs with 'i've been awake for hours makeup and hair' asking me if I did indeed have to work today, and if I did indeed sleep right through my keith urban alarm, I was in bed wishing I could be her for once (no offense mom, teehee!)

But all told it was a lovely kind of day.

Not sure if I told you all this yet, but my grandparents have been in town the last few days - they're from New Jersey. I haven't seen them in 10 years!! We ate, we laughed, we cried, we ate, we watched movies, we went on walks, we ate, and we laughed some more. A true Italian vacation.

Sadly they are leaving on a plane tomorrow morning at the butt crack of dawn, and I will miss them terribly. It was so nice to have so much life in our house. It felt like overflowing.

Two more days left at the health club until I am finally a full-time student again. No more working for me! Well, not the paid kind anyway :) And then I'm off to New Hampshire for a new kind of lovely adventure...the kind you never forget.

"For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:5

It's Allll About Perspective, People...

2009-08-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Con's

I'm sick...with some sort of mild-ish cold that makes my eyes water, my nose run, and my body tiredddff

I've eaten more than a horse in the last few days

I have to work tonight even though I'm sick

My last little yoga class to teach is this Thursday...*tear

My last dinner with my family before I move away is Tuesday September 8th.

I have to drive 9 hours to take Jess back to school in a few days...I hate travelling.

I have to take a bus from Boston to New London, New Hampshire and I hate riding buses.

I'm almost done with my book which is awesome, but at the same time I know I will be sad to finish it because that gives me one less thing to procrastinate sleeping at night... :)

I have a cold

I'm sick

And I hate being sick.

Pro's

My family is all here - My grandparents from New Jersey, my sister from California, my bros, my parents, my two cute puppies, my other grandma, and me. I LOVE having a full house.

Yes, I've eaten way too much in the last few days, but oh boy was it worth it...You'd be a fool not to try mama's eggplant parmasan. I mean, come on! Mama mia!!

I'm sick, but not as sick as last time. So I count that as a pro.

Yes, I have to work tonight but I'm making moneyyyys!! That's always a pro, right??

No no, I GET to take a bus from Boston to New London because walking a hundred miles with 50 pounds worth of luggage would be much much worse :)

My last little yoga class to teach is this Thursday, but now instead of running around with a bunch of 2-5 year olds for a half hour, I will have a BILLION more times energy on Mondays and Thursdays to devote to other important things...like...working out. Hmm, don't think that one will happen. Oh well, it's a PRO! (honestly, either way I will miss it...i love my little two year olds :)

I also GET to drive Jessica back to school with my mom because we always make road trips loads of fun...Every single time. Always fun. Pringles, loud country music, the wind in our hair, a clunky old suburban that has the constant potential to break down on the side of whatever road you're traveling on, lots of picture ops, and hilarious stories. GOOD. times.

Now you see? It's all about your perspective in life. I was thinking about this last night - about how negative I can be sometimes. I catch myself focusing on all the bad without seeing the upside of things. It makes me mad. SO, I could choose to be the glass half empty kind of gal and see life for what it isn't, or I could flip my eggs to sunny side up and realize how great my life truly is. I think I'll choose the latter.

Perfection By Definition

2009-08-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

love

it flows from our hearts

lies dormant till its' time

its' call.

its' season.

then released into the atmosphere

through your more than willing, waiting, soul

it swirls around with unusual grace

but stable in some magical, romantical way

a three way tide

shared between The Father, you, and another lucky somebody

it stretches and bends with generosity

all encompassing.

all consuming.

everlasting in perfection and righteousness.

never will it tire, never will it die.

Inspiration

2009-08-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Write and be happy, I always say... Don't write and, well, spend the rest of your days in a hellhole properly titled, "uninspired."

-Me

Closed Book

2009-08-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, my time here is almost finished and I only wish it lasted a few more months...or years. I feel so connected with this place, these people. I want to stay forever but I know that it wouldn't be in the right timing for me to do so...

"So off I go, back home to everything I wish I could turn around; If only the present could last forever..."

Miss you, sweet home. You will always be my first real home. I never thought I could be this sentimental about a plot of land. I hope it's like this for many plots afterward...Hmm, what could the future hold? That's the thing about the future, it's a closed book until we get there. But by then it's called the present.

Winds of Change

2009-08-12T18:21:00.001-07:00

It is strange to think I've been away for so long
But when I walk outside it feels as though I never left it
The earth speaks to me like it always did before
Strange familiarity and sweet rememberance

As I walk and look and pray,
I can't help but feel the difference in the spirit
Like my time here is up, I've run out of things to connect to
I remember it as it once was, but it is slightly different now...

The distance, the same
The smell
The colors
The real world feeling...it never lost its' meaning to me.

But somehow, the land has finished with me.
It doesn't need me anymore, doesn't call anymore.
I no longer feel that magnetic pull inward and outward
It's more of a dull memory.

But those sweet, tempting memories go way back in time;
Pulling on my heart strings until they feel ready to burst
I can't keep doing this to myself,
This remembering.

It hurts and it burns...the vague sense of overall peace that once was,
It is no more.

I will always love you, but for you I am mere vapor
Blown away swiftly in the winds of change..

And swift, it was.

74 is Waaaay Too Cold

2009-08-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

This is sad, just sad.

I looked up the weather forecast for Tri Cities, Washington a few hours ago in a last minute effort to "prepare" for my one week vacation. And guess what I found??? At 9:10 pm when I arrive at the Pasco Airport it will be a whopping 74 degrees!

Are you kidding me??

I havent' felt 74 degrees since I walked past the refridgerated isle in Walmart a few months ago. 74 degrees is like the dead of winter to me. That's like 40 degrees below what I'm used to! Yes, it is 114 degrees here in Phoenix, Arizona...no lie. And that's not even all that bad.

So.

I'm bringing lots and lots of pants, sweaters, long sleeved shirts, and boots. Not going so far as to pack scarves and mittens, but trust me, I was *this* close.

Isn't it sad that I think 74 degrees is like the dead of winter?? Man I have lived here wayyy too long :)

Update: I'm headed off to the airport in about an hour to see all my precious lovins from Washingtonnn! Hopefully I don't end up sitting next to someone chatty on the plane, I hate talking to people when I'm flying. Throws off my groove.

Love you all, and have a fabulous week!

XOXO
Jourdan

Your Wish Is My Command - Love, Your Metabolism

2009-08-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure I'm one of the lucky ones...
You have my permission to be envious, but remember, it won't be like this forever. I will soon have the metabolism of a regular human being, so don't get TOO envious :) Just wait till I'm 40. Hahaha...

Okay so I've been feeling a bit unhealthy lately...not fat, but just unhealthy. You see, I've been eating a bunch of junk food for like the last month and a half, and it has made me feel gross. So. Here's what I do. I cut out my constant snacking while at work and just eat a small lunch instead of munching on cheezits and whatnot in between. Then I only take one taco instead of two at dinner time. Then I eat a piece of gum instead of a chocolate bar from Bashas.

The end.

Now I'm back to my usual weight after..oh...say...a week and a half of trying??

Man, I take my metabolism for granted sometimes.

**UPDATE: Today is Sunday. I embark on my glorious reunion/trip to Washington on Tuesday. Yes, I'm still psyched. And ohhh my lord do I have a ton of people to visit. And without a car, no less! We'll just have to see how that turns out! I will post as soon as I catch a minute or two...Because, well, I love y'all.

Have a lovely week, everyone!!

Heavenly Architecture

2009-08-04T13:01:00.001-07:00

"...The sufferings of this present timeare not worthy to be compared
with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
-Romans 8:18
from Brin at My Messy Thrilling Life today

My life is like a rollercoaster and I've said it before...it twists and it turns, and I don't know where I'm going until I get there. That's what it has been like ever since I moved from my hometown in Kennewick, Washington to the dry, hot Phoenix, Arizona. I hated it when I got here but I think God had a reason for it all...a divine design that was hidden from my eyes until His perfect timing determined that "it's time." Now I know.

Man, I'm looking back at my posts from when I first moved here and it's crazy how much I've changed. It is so humbling to re-read my grumbles and whines about coming here and then see how God has routed my life so perfectly for the near future. I would never be where I am at this moment...right now...if it weren't for this move. I'm sure of it.

All that to say...I am just having some of the BEST days of my life right now. My choices finally feel concurrent with His timing and it feels inexplicably perfect. My sister is home for a month (woohoo!), I put in my letter of resignation at work (which was a little bittersweet), I get to take a trip to Washington and visit all my good friends next week, and I get to start planning for my new life in New London...I couldn't be happier.

God works everything in His plan for the good of those who love Him.

...He really does...

I'm finishing up down here in Phoenix and I'll be off to New Hampshire towards the beginning of September!! That's a month :) Ah! I'm crazy excited.

"The light is breaking, the surface cracking...all the good is leaking through."

Holy Crap, I Got IN!

2009-07-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

AS promised, here are those six words I really really wanted to be able to share with you all...."I Got Accepted, I'm Outta Here!!"

I just got the phone call today and I have been officially accepted into the Streams Ministries Internship Program in New London, New Hampshire! I will be leaving sometime around the 9th of September...

Wow, I am flying right now. I can't BELIEVE I got in! Well, I guess I can..I knew I was supposed to do this so I shouldn't really be surprised when God works it all out. But still. I'm in shock. And awe. And surprise...ment...And excited...ness.

Holy moley.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who prayed for me, I know it made a difference.

That's all I've got to say..

Thank You, Thank You Very Much!

2009-07-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

I am a big girl now!!!

Translation: I just graduated from HIGH SCHOOL!

Ahh, finally. Sweet sweet freedom. Freedom from old cranky English teachers and smelly high school cafeterias. Freedom from the mean girls that look you up and down in the hallway..EVERY...SINGLE...DAY. Does it really matter that much to you what I wear on a daily basis?? Oh, and freedom from those mean, perfume sprayin, makeup cakin attendance ladies. I mean come on, if you hate your job that much you should really look into a career change. Seriously. Give a kid some candy every once in a while like those nice elementary school secretaries...they're so nice!

And really, I'm most happy to be done with the obligation. I hated having to turn something in every other day and risk the penalty of an "F" if I didn't. Ugh, I HATE that! Can't you just see that I work hard and give me an A automatically?

OH and non-multiple choice tests...I hated those too. Why can't every test have just three answers to choose from?? What will it be, A, B, or C? Pick one. You'll probably get it right. The end. Essay exams suck.

There goes my ranting...I'm a little out of breath, but on the whole feeling much much better. Ahh, sweet sweet freedom.

Oh and for my incredible perseverance and dedication to all things high school, I have earned myself a brand new MacBook Pro from the Apple store. I love it :) Thanks mom and dad!

I will be hearing about Streams School of Ministry within the next few days, so hopefully my next post will read something like "I Got Accepted, I'm Outta Here!"

But we'll see :)

XOXO
Jourdan

Saving Grace Turns 50!!

2009-07-23T20:05:00.001-07:00

Or - well - Saving Grace turns a few months old while her posts turn 50...or whatever :)

Now this usually wouldn't come as such of a shock to most of you, but 50 whole blog posts is a pretty big deal to me.

I'm kind of a "starter-not-a-finisher" kind of gal, so I'm quite proud of myself for finishing fifty posts! I'd have drafts and drafts of random thoughts and tidbits without publishing a single one without my undying determination and love towards you, oh great blogosphere...

I can't believe I even got this far without quitting...honestly, i sort of expected myself to do a re-run of my last blog attempt "The Father's Heart" which lasted a few months before I got sick of thinking up interesting ideas for people to read about.

This time around has gone much better, i think :)

Maybe it's because I've matured just oh so much since the last time I tried blogging...at least I like to think of it that way...

So here's to you! Thanks for making my blogging worthwhile, even if you don't leave any comments or what have you...I know you're out there, and that means something. To all you fellow readers of my life, I salute you. Here's to another fifty, or five hundred, interesting blog posts that await.

XOXO
Jourdan

ps. I have a few good signs concerning Streams School of Ministry, but I will wait to tell you about the official outcome when it's...you know...official. Thanks for the prayers - keep 'em coming!!

Streams School of Ministry

2009-07-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

"Ahem, ahem, I haaave a little update for you......"

I have officially applied to the Streams School of Ministry Internship Program! I just sent in my application packet with a personal video, recent picture, my written testimony, and the filled out 8-page application form, a few hours ago. I really feel led to do this program, and I just can't wait to find out if I got accepted!

I am extremely excited for this :)

So anyways, I have to get crackin on my support letter, so I will talk to you all very soon! And don't worry, I'll let you know when I find out anything important...

PS. Feel free to keep me in your prayers as I embark on this exciting new journey! I would greatly appreciate it!
XOXO
Jourdan

The Truth About Writing

2009-07-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie to you, I've been ultimately burnt out on writing lately. I've had boring essays, long assignments, bull-sh** discussion posts, and work emails to write...and honestly, I don't think I can stand it much longer. Summer classes will do that to ya.

I'm burnt OUT.

So I'm sorry if it has seemed that I don't care about blogging anymore...I do. But I've been deceived to think that writing is always boring, no matter how you look at it. I've been blinded by the darkness of online school LIES!

I will try to be a better blogger, I promise.

But hold on for a few more days (*ahem, or weeks) while I finish my online classes and rip off that tattered black blindfold of lies to see the truth, if only for a few measly seconds...that writing is not boring, it only gets tedious when you don't like what you're writing about.

Right? Right.

:)

Human Drano

2009-07-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

I find myself at a crossroads...

Do I stay, or do I go? Do I get the scholastic diploma and muscle my way through 8 more weeks of school, or do I just settle for the general diploma and get done on the 30th? Do I go into Accounting, or Music? That's not even the half of what I have to decide on right now!! I have so many questions and choices, but I can't seem to find the answers inside of me. I'm a big blocked tube. Nothing can get in, nothing can get out. I've had too much stuff to worry about and not enough stuff I can let go of. I'm emotionally constipated. lol

I'm overstimulated,

Overstressed,

And - overtired.

I almost cried today just because I couldn't find a Word document on my computer...yeah, that's pretty tired. I keep telling myself "I just need a vacation, I just need a vacation..." but will I ever take one?? And will that actually help? Long-term?

I don't know how to fix these clogged pipes. I think I need a plumber.

Maybe there's some kind of human Drano I can chug to clear my system out once and for all.

Hmmph.

Now wouldn't that be nice?

Bye Bye Blackberry

2009-07-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

Well...goodbye precious, darling blackberry curve. I will miss you terribly.

Hello iPhone 3G!

I am now officially part of the biggest technology fad since cellular phones were invented.

Awesome.

Tingling Feeling

2009-07-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

I get this weird tingling feeling in my heart before I write. It's like a little sign telling me I'm supposed to write something down. Is that random?? Sometimes it feels like I can't hold in all the emotions welling up inside of me; sometimes it feels like I might cry. It is such a good feeling when I finally write it all down, like I'm releasing all the pressure. Like it is just overflowing onto the computer screen.

I feel so relieved after writing that I've learned to recognize that tingling feeling. Sometimes I think it is a spiritual experience from God...a little warning telling me to get to a keyboard fast to jot it all down!!

I wish I could actually describe it to you, but it's so random I just don't even know how.

Overflowing...

Powerful...

Desperate...

Then relief.

Weird? Maybe. But I don't care...I think it's a "God thing" and I'm willing to be weird for Him :)

Playing with the camera

2009-07-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

.

...Innocent face, lonely soul...

Top Twenty in my Playlist

2009-07-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

If you don't already know this about me, I LOVE music. I love music so much I listen to it pretty much 24/7. I love making music too...So anyways, I created this playlist with my top 20 songs - as of today. Listen to them all! That's an order!! And there's a little something for everyone, I think.

However, like you have probably already discovered about me, I am not the most computer savvy person on the planet. Far from it, actually. So as it is a miracle that I even figured out how to create this playlist, you may have to click the 'pop out' button to adjust the volume. Pretty sure it automatically puts it on 'half-volume', and trust me, you want it at 'FULL'!! Enjoy my friends, enjoy!

Gunny Bear

2009-07-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

Here are those beloved photos you all have been craving. After all, who doesn't want to see cute pictures of fluffy baby puppies?

I understand the pics aren't of the greatest quality, but then again...neither is the camera :)

My handsome brothers bringing home the puppy. Trust me, in real life they were much happier than they happen to look in this photo!

The happy new big brother...

Puppy's first meeting!

"Pondering and Thoughts"

2009-07-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

They meld and they sway
In a peculiar way.
Like reeds of a field
Standing perfect and straight
But the wind comes, it blows...
And it tears them all down.

But they always recover,
They pop up again
But this time with others that shook through the very same storm.

A mind overloaded
With too many things,
All vying for spots
In coveted attention.

But only one will gain access
To the most inner of courts;
Only one will be summoned...
In through the doors.

When we choose that one thing;
Creative idea, choice, or words,
We're forever exposed to the math ever forward.

It leaves dents and ripples
That can never be turned
Around or inside out.
They're forever ingrained.

We are forced to make room
For its ancestors too...
A never ending sequel
To what never was learned.

We let it go, but to where will it run?
One way in, no way out.

Be careful of what it is that you choose...
For it will grow inside
With no permission from you.

Baby Baby Baby -- Gunner Love

2009-06-29T22:01:00.000-07:00

OH. MY. GOODNESS GRACIOUS LORD IN HEAVEN.

This pup truly is the dang cutest thing I've ever seen.

He is 90 percent fur, and 10 percent big black eyes.

He's also 100 percent loooove :)

He likes to scootch his way under the wire coffee table to take naps - I can't believe he fits under there!!

His schedule consists of this: play for 15 minutes, poop out. play for 15 more minutes, poop out for two more hours. eat. literally poop. smack some love on your face with his tongue, then poop out some more.

He sleeps more than I do and I'm a bit jealous.

His bark sounds like a grasshopper chirping 50 feet behind you - was that even a noise?

He loves everyone who walks in the door, and I love that about him.

He acts all rough-and-tumble, when in reality he weighs barely a pound.

He is the darn tootinest little darlin and I love him to death already :)

I will post pictures as soon as I have more than five minutes to spare!! I gotta get up for work tomorrow at 4:20am...wish me luck!

*ps. i hope you all had a wonderful weekend, because I sure did! I will tell you all about it soon...

Baby Puppy Love

2009-06-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a new puppy tomorrow!!! Aww, baby puppy love.

I'm just unbelievably excited for this right now.

This dog.....oh this dog. He is so cute!

And his name is going to be Gunner.

Click here to find out what he looks like!! He's a dang cute little thing, lemme tell you what :) That is my other dog, Gabe, sniffing his bum haha. I would put up the actual pic on here, but it was a mobile upload from a different phone so...Let's just say I'm not as tech savvy as some. You might not be able to see it if you don't have a facebook user and password. Hmm.....well this is what he would look like:

I'm SO excited!!!

My Coaster Life

2009-06-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Like those fateful words of Cameron Diaz, life is like a rollercoaster..."it goes UP, and back down...then it goes UP, and back down. See? See? Upppp, and back dowwwwn."

I love riding the rollercoaster of life - the thrill is amazing, but right now I just want to get off the ride for a while. You can only ride the coasters so long before the mellow dumbo ride and cotton candy calls your name. It doesn't take long either - two or three coaster rides, and I'm ready for the bench. Gimme a bench...anywhere!

And so, here I am, still stuck on this coaster with my fingers fearfully gripping the rubber handle in front of me - I can't see a thing. We're going too fast... I can't even see where I'm going! Is that a turn coming up?? Wait, it's another drop...AAAHHH! I'm wee-ing and laughing and crying all at the same time.

My life has been so crazy and I apologize for not posting about it sooner. I've just been unbelievably busy. Busy, and stressed out for the most part. Just when life seems to give me a break, something else comes up and steals my attention from the tv screen. I just want to watch 5 MINUTES! Five measely minutes of my show!

But no, ol' life has its' way with me and here I am again on this rollercoaster ride. I'm locked in.

Will it ever stop?

Simple Truth

2009-06-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

Where is simplicity?

Where did truth come from, and can we chase it?

Will it disappear?

Will it run far away?

Will it keep us at a distance like we wish it sometimes would?

Or will it beckon us with love...

Will it chase us back...

Will it surprise us with simplicity...

Yes, yes, and yes.

Truth always knows our hearts, doesn't it?

...well the truth is, sometimes I just wish life were simpler...

Long Lost Pics!!!

2009-06-20T15:38:00.001-07:00

WOO!! I finally found the missing camera! It was in my room...I know, lame. My room has been sooo messy since I got back from my trip that I had no idea the camera was still in my bag! I mean, messy messy. Like classic teenager messy with an ADDED bonus of bachelor pad messy. I finally decided that I couldn't live with it anymore, so last night I cleaned it ALL up. That was when I found it...Yay!

Anyways, I took a bunch of "out of the car" photos throughout our trip so you'll get a lot of landscapey pics. What can I say?? We were in the car for NINE AND A HALF hours! Oh yeah, and the girl with the blonde hair is my sis, Jess :)

*above: Pismo Beach, CA + some cute asian kid.

*Just as I promised!! The crazy shark attack warning sign. Yeah, let's just say I didn't get in the water.

*above: Our nasty road trip-ness. I just had to document it for you. Isn't that gross??

*above: the Josh Gracin advertisement poster in the Sequoia Dorm. I felt so touristy taking this pic. It's all for you. All for you.

I will be posting a video or two of the concert soon. Well, just as soon as I have the patience to wait for it to load... :)

XOXO
Jourdan

I Wish I Were A Mac

2009-06-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

This virus is a bugger.

At one point, I thought I was going to die...not like "oh my god, I hate throwing up so much I wish I were dead" but more like "oh my god if I could actually get up off this bed I would head straight for the knife drawer and kill myself because I can't take it anymore."

I don't usually get colds, but I have the feeling this is a real bugger of a cold. My dad just got it too, poor guy. He said it was worse than a regular cold. Which is great for me, because I just thought I was a wussy. But no, this really is a bugger of a cold.

My whole body feels like it has been filled with adamantium metal (not unlike the way Wolverine was injected in the movie X-men Origins.)

I think the universe is laughing at me, saying "Oh if Hugh Jackman can do it without sedatives, so can Jourdan."

Yeah, THINK AGAIN universe!!! I might just go overdose on Nyquil on purpose just to spite you...

I need something to punch.

If only I had the energy to lift my arms from this dang keyboard.

Sick Day

2009-06-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sick.

I'm sick, and I'm moping.

I have schoolwork to do, I have to get someone to cover my shifts at work, and I have to find someone to teach my classes. Ughhhhhhh. *wipes runny nose*

The doctor said I will be contagious for the next 2 to 3 days.

I haven't gotten a cold for YEARS...now I know what I was missing...so not cool.

I am going to finish my online classes for the day, then pop in You've Got Mail. I'm already in my pj's.

Now I'm just going to wipe down this keyboard with some lysol. Be back in a few days....that is if I haven't died by then :)

Told you I was mopey...

XOXO
Sick Jourdan

Opposite Day

2009-06-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

My "Well I've Never" post turned out really great...I love writing random hilarious facts that entertain people. So I've decided to do another one, but this time it will be a wee bit different :) I did a list with a few of these on it a while ago for my facebook, but I've added some new ones.

I'd like to call it,

"Random Facts & Hilariosity About Jourdan"

Enjoy!

i love fruit but hate the thought of eating it.

i am a hopeless romantic but won't admit it to myself.

i hate defining people but always wonder how i would be defined.

i love running outside when it's cold, especially if it's on a mountain.

i can't eat french toast or milk without wanting to wretch.

i want kids someday but at the same time i really really don't.

i don't really like summer because i think it's unimaginative. Winter brings out the creativity of nature.

i feel like people look at me weird when i'm walking in public...i might just be paranoid :)

i want to live in Ireland for a while.

country/indie music keeps me alive..

i have a lipgloss addiction

but i hate girls who use it too often.

i love to play the piano, but rarely make time to do so.

i love to cook dinner for people - seriously, i love it. I love to watch their reaction to the food; I love to please others with my culinary creativity lol

i love a good hoedown...linedancing is grrreat. RODEO is a thrill : ) you take me to a rodeo, i'm yours.

my family makes me laugh all the time and i love them more than anything.

i drive too fast but i've never been pulled over. i'm a speed junkie. i love driving in the snow because it makes things interesting.

i get bored pretty easily.

i love a good musician. they fascinate me.

by the way, if you can play the guitar i already love you.

i can't sleep without a fan on.

i can't sleep without brushing, flossing, washing my face, and putting on lotion. Seriously, I honestly can't. I've tried. Doesn't matter how tired I am, my conscience gets the best of me.

i can watch Pride and Prejudice (the new one), Fired Up, You've Got Mail, The X-Men Trilogy, The Wedding Date, The Lion King, A Walk to Remember, and Tristan and Isolde over and over again without getting sick of them...and I have!

i can't not dance when i hear a really loud rap song.

i love salsa dancing - and am pretty dang good at it, if i don't say so myself.

i have been a blonde, a redhead, a brunette, all in one year. now i have black hair.

i loooove fruit leather.

i feel like i use ellipses a lot but i can't help it!!

i love taking pictures of people and making them look cool afterwards.

firepits are my late night weakness. i get all giddy when there's a campfire at night. I love the smell of campfire on my clothes - or on someone else's :)

i love hot chocolate more than water.

i will do almost anything if it's dangerous and a thrill.

i am conflicted on whether i want to live in the city or the country. the pro con list is surprisingly equal for each.

sometimes i wish i was more complex but i know i am already so complicated it irritates people.

i love seeing god's heart poured out on people, and i love being used in this way.

i think prophetic song is healing to human hearts. i DO believe god still speaks today.

i am really stubborn when it comes to what i think is right, and sometimes it can be a bad thing.

i love to look at expensive houses and imagine living there : )

i want to make everywhere i go a different atmosphere...a good one.

cotton candy is delicious and i can eat more of it than your dog.

wit is a winner.

i tend to overdo things. if i like something, i do it too much. if i like a song, i can listen to it on repeat for hours.

if i can imagine doing something cool, i usually end up doing it in one way or another. basically, if i want something i get it.

i feel hotter in a good'ol pair of holey jeans then i do wearing a million dollar gown, but i'm not a tomboy by far...

i love tattoos and piercings, and plan to get more of each in my lifetime.

i never know what to do with my hair in the morning, especially for fancy occasions (those are a nightmare for me).

i like garlic more than the average person, and i use it alot.

i HATE heated theology conversations. don't talk to me about what you think church should look like, i'll kick you in the shins.

im a classic all-or-nothing kind of girl. i won't settle for anything but the real thing.

Well I've Never

2009-06-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

(Idea stolen from Nanny Goats in Panties)

I love making lists, and this one seemed to have some potential comedy to it...so here you go - a list of things I've never done:

*I've never eaten my own boogers...or anyone else's for that matter. No, not even when I was six :)

*I've never gotten a massage...or a pedicure. Bummer, right??

*I've never had the desire to go to Asia. Or Mexico.

*I've never eaten caviar, but I've tried goat (from Africa), bush rat (also from Africa), and calamari.

*I've never been able to watch the movie 'Fired Up' without laughing so hard, I cry.

*I've never been skydiving, but went bungee jumping over the Nile in Africa. I hope I get to do it sometime!

*I've never read a whole book in one day...Twilight took me two :)

*I've never written an "I've never list"

*I've never wanted to write an "I've never list"

*I've never been jealous of PC people.

*I've never seen Titanic.

*I've never gotten my hair professionally colored, but I've had pretty much every haircolor imaginable...red, brown, blond, black...actually I got a little smidgen of pink put in professionally, but that doesn't count.

*I've never wanted to go to Washington DC or the grand canyon...yawn.

*I've never been technically asked out on a date.

*I've never had white zinfandel...and don't plan to :)

*I've never been on a diet of any kind.

*I've never felt like I wasn't good enough...thanks mom and dad. Yeah, that one's a tear jerker :)

*I've never met a celebrity, or just randomly seen one on the streets.

*I've never finished a knitting project.

*I've never successfully built a fire.

*I've never run away from home, even though I contemplated it once. I was young...lol.

*I've never been to middle school.

*I've never broken a bone, but I haven't had milk since I was about six or seven. Milk makes me gag!

*I've never had the chickenpox.

*I've never not had fun at a rodeo.

*I've never had red bull.

*I've never owned an instrument, but I play a lot.

*I've never owned a yearbook.

*I've never smoked.

*I've never stapled my finger, but I did staple my brother's.

*I've never seen Star Trek.

*I've never celebrated St.Patrick's Day.

*I've never written a check in my checkbook. Ever.

*I've never watched Dane Cook without being completely entertained.

*I've never taken Transformers seriously. Don't think I ever will. Sorry, Shia Labeouf.

*I've never understood why men thought Shania Twain was hot.

*I've never cheated.

*I've never stalked anyone. Except for that one time in 1st grade.

*I've never finished a whole piece of corn on the cob.

*I've never owned a pair of espadrilles.

*I've never had a Wendy's Frosty. I think I've had a chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake from there, but never a frosty.

*I've never done anything I didn't want to do, unless it was forced upon me :)

Ta-daaaa! There you go. Like a billion things I've never done. Now you know me a little better...or, I guess, the opposite of me!

Have a wonderful day!

XOXO
Jourdan

Beautiful Creation

2009-06-12T16:14:00.001-07:00

- A Song For The Times -

The flowers dance to lively music
Of wind and water, jumbling about.
He created all;
He is in all.

- JEM

This song is amazing...and very timely, I think. Thanks Jess for showing it to me!

"Awakened - Ian Mcintosh"

Rest

2009-06-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

Things are finally on the up-and-up for Jourdan. She has a secure job (or a few), a settled family life, and trustworthy friends to call her own. She is doing just fabulous. But sometimes she feels a bit out of control...Time will only be your friend until you smash your schedule into its' mouth.

I am the most busy I've ever been! But hey, I'm fortunate I actually have things to do. It didn't used to be this way...

Oh no, I used to be the least busy person in the whole entire world! I swear. At least it feels that way. Let me tell ya, it is NOT fun to NOT have anything to do. I mean, I would find at least something to fill my time with...I was never completely bored out of my mind, but still. I am sooo glad I've been gettin' busy (in the literal sense of the term).

I just have to remember how to rest. See, I've never really had this problem. I've never been so busy that I've had to force myself to take time off from my schedule. I've never forgotten what it's like to rest. (Well I've never had a real steady job before, so that sort of explains it!) Now I'm realizing just how important it is to give yourself a break every once in a while.

"Oh yeah, but she's young" you say. Yes this is true, but youth is still human. Youth still gets tired when it's stretched too thin, or the stress becomes too much to bear.

Trust me, I know. I have classes to teach with parents and kids all relying on me; I have kids to watch with their safety in my hands, and I have a company that I work for. It feels as though I am in demand all the time. Everybody taking a little piece of Jourdan.

"I need a recharge!"

"Gimme those pieces back! They're mine!"

Sometimes I just need some "me time". I have yet to find the go-to me time activity...reading a book, blogging, running, playing the piano - I've tried it all. Those activities put me at about a half-battery recharge status. I still need to find the big kahuna of recharging. Possibly reading my bible. If only I could be more consistent with it.

I'm working on it :)

Rest is so important. It allows you to reflect on all you've done in the past, and gives you the perspective you need for the future. It's the part where God says,

"Hold on there a minute, why don't you just take a break for a bit? Talk to me..."

Why is it so hard for us to just relax for a little while - take our heads out of the game for a split second? The line between not busy and way too busy is blurred. For some people it is perfectly normal not to have a minute to themselves all day long. For others, a normal day means everyone around you knows that you are not up for sale and that you can't just give give give. I am the latter.

I'll work hard, but don't expect me to keep that smile plastered on my face for weeks on end without a break. I need breaks. I need time to plan. I need time to reset my head - my internal time clock.

So as I head off on this new adventure-of-a-life, I'm laughing and learning my way into time management skills. Maybe there is no perfect time management; maybe there never will be. Either way, I am trying. I will try to be the best me...for all of you. I'm still figuring out the best way to manage my busy schedule and still make time for rest. It is a learning curve for sure.

Thank you God for being patient with me - you always are.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:3 "God blesses those who are hungry and thirsty for justice, for they will receive it in full." - Matthew 5:6, NLT

A Magical Land

2009-06-05T20:05:00.001-07:00

She goes there every once in a while
When things get too tough
Or she faces a trial

Twas a place full of comfort
A room, no - a land
A whole town was for her
It was all in His plan

Her eyes were alive
Every sense was awakened
Never did it back then but
This habit turned to trend

She created that land,
With sugarplum fairies
Reflective like mom's eyes
They danced and were merry

The clouds looked so heavy
With snow falling down
All around that sleepy goodnight little town

"He's coming!" she said.
With a shiver and smile
"he's coming...." with the excitement of only a child.

Her comfort was found in that sleepy little town
The rain in the night
And the stars all around
Where no one could hear her
And silence was found,
Where there were no boundaries
But wood fences abound.

Like a book on her shelf
That rickety old thing
She blows dust off the pages
And magic comes round

The night was so young
But was getting too late
To be sitting out there
Out there on that gate

But she liked to just wait
To feel stillness, oh fate
Sarcastic cold winters
With the slap in the face

She's sitting and waiting
For her love to be found
Sitting up there
To be rescued and crowned

A queen of her beautiful mystery land
A land she created, a land that will stand.
Time cannot free love,

But it won't be secured;
She will follow with songs
And she'll sing you the words.

She's safe in a world where things never go wrong
A place in her heart, a place she belongs...

She goes there sometimes
Where it's safe and it's cozy
It's a calm winter wind
And her hair simply blows free.

Post-It Mania

2009-06-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

I swear I would die without those little adhesive-backed pieces of paper. Or at least get miserably disoriented and a bit wacky. My computer looks almost like that one up there.

I would take a picture of it to show you all, but the camera is STILL not found. I have absolutely no idea where it could have gone! Anyways, you should really see it; a plethora of scattered pink and yellow post it notes with scribbled to-do's. all. over. my computer monitor. My life and schedule is one big post-it note.

It's the only way I stay sane.

I swear, if I ran out of post-it notes, to-do lists, or really paper of any kind I would go utterly bonkers. My LIFE is on those post-it notes.

"Work today from 7:30 to 1:00, Razmataz @ 10, Fit Kids @ 4pm"

"Explore vegetarianism"

"Do laundry tonight!!! Do it, Jourdan! Doooo it! Seriously. Just do it."

"Don't forget to be home for the dinner guests at 6:30"

"Drink water today. Remember what happened last time you didn't??"

"Buy more post-it notes. Maybe with some cute little designs on them."

That's right, really spice up your life. Get a doodely post it note.
Wow, I have fallen oh so far...

How will I get back up again? The cliff is so so high! Work, work, work, school, eat, school, exercise, blog, call this person, email that person, do laundry, wipe the snot off your work shirt - "eeew, germs!"

I think I've gotten into a much deeper hole than I first imagined. But surprisingly, I'm handling these big life changes with finesse and flexibility. I could be a ballerina, I'm so flexible. Oh wait, I sort of am.

How do I do it? I listen to music to rewind, or go for runs at night. Ahh, relaxation. Here, do yourselves a favor and listen to some of my favorites...they may not be of your personal taste, but then, isn't that the fun of it? You just gotta explore other pathways, or you'll never change :) Don't worry, they aren't of that uncreative rap genre (for all you people over fifty...or forty...hehe). Most of it doesn't really have a genre, per se.

It's just good.

1- Emarosa - "The past should stay dead"
2- Mae - "The sun and the moon"
3- Cary Brothers - "Honestly" OOOOOH this one is SOO good. mm, love it.
4- Wilco - "Either way" this one will totally put you in a happy mood no matter what..
5- Sigur Ros - "Saeglopur" now this is a little on the weirder side, but i like it :)
6- The Kooks - "She moves in her own way" Okay, you just HAVE to listen to this song, it is one of my favorites of all time because, well, it's just awesome. I'm giving nothing away.

All right, well I think that those pretty much cover it for now. I am surprisingly ahead of schedule today, what with my finishing school before six pm...so I am off to help my momma in the kitchen. We have some dinner guests tonight and we are making salmon, chicken on the barbie (lol), and boiled red potatoes. The dessert will be fabulous; I got the recipe from Proud Italian Cook who never fails to astound me with creativeness. I am so excited to try this!! It's called 'roasted peaches with amaretto ricotta'. You will be amazed.

I will leave you with that savory peace of goodness to chew on...have a wonderful day!

XOXO
Jourdan

Frazzled on Day One

2009-06-02T16:30:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball...and sometimes it's a really mean, nasty one. I don't usually experience these often, so when it happens I get all flustered, helpless, and utterly confused.

You all know that I started teaching my classes at the health club yesterday. The first day of many. Mondays are 'Razmataz', the crazy little kids (2-5) tumbling/yoga class. Mondays are also 'working in the kids club all the times I'm not teaching said class' and also 'helping out with kids camp all the times I'm not working in kids club'. Yes, I am a busy girl!

Well Sunday night was my preparation night...didn't want to leave anything forgotten, or god forbid, not written down on my lesson plan. I had my music burned and my lesson planned. I was pretty much ready to teach the class before I went to bed that night.

Well thank GOD for that!

Turns out there's something wrong with my alarm clock that JUST now, *insert godfather voice* on the day of my daughters wedding, decides show itself. Monday is a very important day for me! I absolutely can't afford to wake up late!

But guess what happened. My alarm didn't go off until ten minutes before I had to be at work. Yeah, AT work. That means *beep beep* at 7:20am of my 7:30am scheduled clock in time. If I were a guy, it would be slightly less overwhelmed. But alas, last time I checked, I am a girl. Bummer.

Well, at least now I have to necessary skills to join the military.

But seriously, can you IMAGINE?? Waking up on one of the most important days in your career with only ten, count em, TEN minutes to ready yourself and actually be at the front desk clocking in? I can't. I still can't believe I did it! And no, I'm not making this up...although if I were, it would be very clever because everyone likes to read about someone's crazy mishaps throughout life.

The minutes:

7:20am - look at clock, look at phone, sprint upstairs to look at other clock, run back down with an exasperated sigh.

7:21am - already putting my socks on, and...where in the heck is my phone?

oh yeah, i just looked at it. it's on the windowsill.

7:22am - brushing teeth with a renowned vigor and fury. I hate using my manual. But if i used my beloved electric toothbrush, I would be in there for the timed two minutes, which is entirely too long for a morning like today.

*approximately 30 seconds of brush time

7:23am - "MOOOOM!!!!! MAKE ME COFFEE, A SNACK, AND A TIME REWIND...TO GO!" Miraculously, (and oh how much I love this woman) she had a hot coffee, a luna bar, and some fruit (no time rewind though, damn!) put in a plastic baggy for me and into my hands by the time I left. Dear, sweet woman.

7:24am - slap a little mascara on those tired eyes, a little a this, a little a that, whabam! okay, that took waaaay too long. I still need to find my belt.

MAN I wish I kept this room cleaner...where in the world is my belt?

Oh right. In my closet. With all my other work clothes that I set out the night before. I really am brilliant sometimes.

7:25am - rushing upstairs again to find my purse, forgetting that my pajama pants are still on with my work shirt and nametag. Classy.

7:26am - leaping back down the stairs to grab my oh-so-unflattering khaki cropped shorts and belt. Whippin those suckers on in three seconds flat.

7:27am - running back upstairs with my lesson plan, cd, and yoga outfit in tow. Ready to get in the car!

(Now keep in mind, I live literally two blocks away from the club, so I'm still making good time here)

7:28am - frantically grabbing at the plastic bag my mother is handing to me - why can't I grab it? ugh! motor skills are SO overrated! - jogging out the door with the keys I just plucked off the wall.

CD-check. Lesson plan-check. Brain-check. Teeth brushed-check. Real pants on my bottom half-check. Purse-check. Check, Check, Check. Sanity-uncheck, but oh well...nobody's perfect, right?

So I run to the car, race down the two blocks, park, briskly walk into the club, and clock in at exactly 7:30am.

Phew!

And what do you know, the class went beautifully. My CD worked in their player, no crazy error messages telling me that my burning wasn't successful. The kids absolutely loved it, and the parents were pleased. Ohhh yeah. I am SO conking out and watching Gilmore Girls when I get off tonight. Probably the most hectic day of my life.

But it was worth it! I had so much fun with the kids, and I have some great new ideas that I want to try out for next time.

Hopefully next time won't end with me sitting at the computer appalled at myself, and my alarm clock, telling you a ridiculous story that you can hardly believe.

Anyways, I hope you got at least some comedic pleasure out of my story telling skills...not that I had to embellish...at all!! But still. I enjoy writing about my crazy life experiences.

Until next time, folks!
XOXO

Jourdan

Ballet, Little Kiddies, and a very tired Miss Jourdan

2009-05-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

This coming week is going to be hell for me. Hell in a good way...maybe. It all depends on so many things that i just can't even go into it all right now. But this I will tell you:

I start teaching 'Razmataz Yoga' for kids ages 2-5 at the club tomorrow morning at ten.

I've never ever taught a yoga class. Ever! I took a class once last year, but that's about it. Good thing those little three year olds don't care if you're yoga teaching certified or if you can do the lotus pose. Good, cuz I can't.

Much running around, making moo noises, and sitting criss cross applesauce will occur.

I also am working tomorrow from 7:30 to 1:00 and somehow this fact didn't even cross my employer's mind. So I'm working at the club, then leaving real fast to teach a class down the hall, then coming back to finish off work till the afternoon. Phew! And this will most likely be the pattern for the rest of the week too...

I will be teaching Razmataz Yoga, Fit Kids (ages 6-11 fitness class), and Ballet each two times a week.

I get TWO ballet classes; one for ages 2-5, and one for ages 6-11! I am SOOOO excited. I love ballet, and little kids running around in leotards and tight buns (hair, not bums buns). This class is going to be a blast. I got together all my music today, and am currently putting together lesson plans and whatnot. Did I say I was excited?

I still have to do laundry tonight if I want to have a clean outfit for tomorrow. Did I mention it's already eleven? My work shirt is dirty. Like, some kid in kids club spit up all over it and it still smells like barf. I'm thinking the sacrifice of staying up a little later to finish laundry is worth not smelling like a dead fish.

I attempted at putting together a lesson plan for yoga tomorrow, and I really really hope it's not too complicated for the kids. Lots of games and animal mimicking; can't be too hard right?

We shall see.

So I am off to the washer and dryer with high hopes of erasing the pukey smell from my one and only work shirt. I really need to get another one of those :)

***I still haven't recovered the mystery of the missing camera...I promise I will put up pics as soon as it is found! Pray that I find it, would ya?***

While you're at it, pray that I get some sleep tonight and my class doesn't go haywire tomorrow. Thanks.

Loves to you all!

Jourdan

I'm Back!

2009-05-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

This trip can easily be described:

The MOST fun I've ever had in my life.

Yeah, it was that great. It was so nice to be able to let loose for a while and just have a good time. I met all of my sister's friends and they quickly became my friends as well. We went to the beach, we went to The Grad for line dancing (I snuck in - apparently I look at least 18), we got to see Josh Gracin perform an acoustic live performance outside on campus (which was mind blowingly awesome), we drank all the Starbucks you could possibly imagine and then some, we shared a living space so close we could hear eachother breathing at night, and had an overall amazing adventurous time.

I even went to a few of my sisters' classes with her, which was butt numbingly boring but produced some very interesting doodles. One was of a whole living room setup with furniture...random!

I met so many people, I can't even recall half of their names or faces.

I had my first public shower experience. AWKWARD!

I learned the electric slide - now I will be able to whip out my mad electric slide skills at weddings and dances. Nice. Always wanted to do that :)

I realized that hoodies really aren't that bad...I haven't worn a hoodie for yeeeears, but it's all the rage in college, it was basically a requirement for the soccer game. Warm, cozy, and cute! Who knew??

I ate college food. Two words - brokli wokli. A steamable bag of broccoli you can put straight in the microwave and then melt cheese over and eat. Not bad!

I went to the farmers market with momma in downtown San Luis Obispo which was also awesome. We got the best lentil soup and walked around for a while. What character that city has.

I was THIS close to Josh Gracin. Like he was literally twenty feet away. I'm no crazy fan like so many college age girls are, but he is just so adorable!! How could you not like him?? He did this awesome set with all my favorite songs and an acoustic guitar. Three guys - him, and two others on acoustic guitars and occasionally a mandolin looking thing.

I got a lot of the concert on camera.

I also lost the camera.

I know, I know...I hyped up the whole picture taking thing in my earlier post, but alas, it is nowhere to be found. Tragic! I am sooo sad about this. I took some great pics too! The beach, the girls, the beach, the sand, the mountains next to the beach..I mean, really great photos.

Okay okay, so I didn't take as many as I wanted to, but still! It was enough to give you all a taste of my trip. I even took special "blog" photos, like the crazy sign in front of the beach that said "don't touch marine wildlife; confirmed shark attack August 2003"

I wish I could share them all with you... *sad face*

I will post them as soon as I find the mysterious missing camera. Promise.

Alright, well i have quite a bit to do now that I'm back. Homework piled up, work stuff to figure out, and a loving family to catch up with.

Thanks so much for all your warm wishes!

XOXO

Jourdan

Off We GO!

2009-05-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

Well, it all worked out!! The brakes are done on the car, my work schedule is free, my mom has a place to stay, and we are OUTTA here! I'm bringing my camera (i made sure this time) so I'll be sure to post some fun pics of our trip when i get back. Until then, you will just have to live without me in the blog world. Be back Saturday!

Loves to all my wonderful readers,
XOXO
Jourdan

My Wonderful Babbling Qualities - are what you love most about me, i promise.

2009-05-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Alright, Alright, enough with the seriousness! Today I am having a wonderful morning, I woke up early (early, meaning 8:15), had some granola with yogurt, and am writing this cute little post. Most of the time, waking up early puts me in a little bit of a bad mood, but today I am feeling giddy! Sometimes this happens to me, I get in this weird funk where I actually want to wake up early and get a head start on my day. It doesn't happen often, but on that rare occasion that it does, I like to take advantage of it. I already started a load of wash!

See, tomorrow is a hopeful one for me. I am wishing and hoping and praying that all the bugs get worked out and me and my mom can go on our roadtrip to CALI! We were supposed to leave tomorrow and drive all of 8 hours to go visit my sister at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo and stay with her until Saturday. I was so excited because:

One, Josh Gracin (an adorable and successful country singer that I am in love with) is performing at the college, outside on Thursday afternoon...and you know us girls, we looooove our country music. Especially when the singer is cute :)

Two, I would get to stay in my sister's dorm with her...How fun is that?? I'd probably be sleeping on the floor, considering you can actually see it! But still - it's bonding time. Two sisters and a random roommate crashing in a ten by twelve dorm room where snacks, flannel, and love abound. I am so stoked!

Three, I love my sister more than any other sister loves their sister and I can't wait to see her because she lives eight hours away and it's not often that I do get to see her. Phew!

Four, as my sister informed me a few days ago, there is a COLLEGE MEN'S SOCCER GAME on Friday night, also at the college, and let. me. tell. you. what. what? Us girls love our men's soccer!! Heck, my mother could've made it onto the US Women's Olympic team (if there is such a sort) in soccer if she wanted to. She's crazy good.

And five........all the wonderful things that ensue when you get a mother and a daughter to drive eight hours in a car non-stop. No seriously! Me and my mom have a history of successful dead boring long road trips. We do good. Last time we did it was from our old house in Washington to San Luis Obispo California to drop of Jess at school. Now THAT is a dead boring long road trip. But we made the best of it with In'n'out burgers and classic road trip tunes. I told you, we have fun!!

So all of these things are what make me super super duper excited for this all out girl trip. It's like Lorelei sleeping over in Rory's dorm on her first night of college - giggling girls, take-out, and a generational gap that no one seems to notice, or care about.

There are just a few things that are keeping us from jumping in the car RIGHT NOW and zooming over there. (We already changed the brake pads on the car, what more needs to get done????) A few things, let me tell ya.

But I won't tell ya. It's boring.

I just hope everything works out for the best and we get our Josh Gracin, giggling girls, and college soccer game this weekend!!!

Me and my sister way back when i had long blond hair and braces and, well, she still looked cute. Unbelievable.

Peace and love to you all,
XOXO
Jourdan

Let Go

2009-05-23T19:50:00.001-07:00

Sometimes words just flow out of you when you least expect it. You can't do anything about it, they come when they come. Sometimes you will find yourself writing about the weirdest things. The flow of the words can overtake you. That passion, buried deep inside, suddenly gets dug up and used. Distributed. Like seed in a barren land. Everyone has it, not everyone uses it, and still some don't know they have it. I've seen it before. In me.

I can stand there and tell you all day long what the world looks like to God's eyes. I can stand there and tell you that passion comes from deep within, like a longing we all possess but continually push down inside. I can tell you about freedom, and how it should feel when you are free. I can preach to myself about life and love and death. I can see what the miraculous would look like, but it's all in my mind. Everything I know is real, but I lock it up in my head and my heart where I'll never really see it.

You won't see any of it until you let go.

Letting go is like jumping and free falling off a cliff. It takes you a while to inch your way to the edge, but by the time you do, you freak out at the mass of air below you and run back the way you came. Letting go of everything that holds you back is probably the hardest thing any man could overcome. I'm not sure any man has it in them to really do it. It means freeing your mind, body, and soul from all the inhibitions that once guided you. Grappling with the life you once knew and the life you could lead.

For me, letting go means going outside and running into the fading sunlight until I can hardly breathe. Sometimes I run up the mountains where I run for the sheer satisfaction of seeing something no one else can see. That alone could be the thing that takes my breath away. It's when I reach that point, when I can't even remember what catching my breath feels like, that I feel truly free. It's a release, like I can't get rid of my spiritual toxins without literally sweating them out.

Today I went on a mountainous adventure. The whole day I felt horrible and sedentary, like it was just 'one of those days'. I can't tell you exactly what was going through my mind, or why I felt the way I did. All I know is that I felt cooped up - and for way too long. That's what I do when I need a release, I go for a run. So run, I did.

I started out just jogging through the neighborhood...until I caught the view of the sun starting to set on the mountains. As I was running down the bike paths, I had the most perfect view of the sunset. Next thing I know, I'm setting my iPod to some awe-inspiring tunes and running full speed towards the mountains. I didn't know where I was going, or where I would end up. I just ran.

Turns out I was headed straight towards a beautiful little beaten path that lead up the mountain to a gorgeous look out spot. All of a sudden my heart was pounding in my chest and my adrenaline was pumping through my veins like I was the hulk. Somehow I had found the energy to run all out up this mountain without stopping or turning back.

I made it. I found the little place I would soon call my own. Sure, people had been there before, but somehow it was "mine".

The sun was setting gracefully on the hills to my left with a breathtaking view of Phoenix in front of me. Glorious! I sat there for a while, just taking it all in, as my weary body caught a much needed break. It was right then and there that all of my guilt, worries, and fears, melted away. Like as I sweat them out, the desert just sucked them up like water.

Everything I heard and saw was like poetry in itself. Everything God created was right there before me - and I would never be able to write how beautiful it was. How do I put words to something outside of time and space - too big for our minds to really understand? How do I describe the nature I didn't create?

Well, as smart as I am, I still tried...
:)

I'll post that next poem, describing my experience on my crazy mountain adventure, at a later date...to be announced!

Sometimes we write out of experience, and sometimes we experience because we write.

Summer Rains

2009-05-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you've ever been to Phoenix, Arizona you know that it is HOT HOT HOT. *insert jamaican song..."feelin hot hot hot"*

But I guess the weather has been feeling a little rebellious lately, maybe it got that from me. Because here's the thing, everyone who talks about the weather here says it's always dry and only rains but two or three times a year. Well you know what? We've only lived here for a little over a month and it has already rained three times!!! Three!

It's actually kind of cool because I've been missing the rainy Washington weather lately. I just loooove the smell of rain in the air; I love how the ground seems satisfied after a good long soak. I love the feel of cold water on my skin when it's 100 degrees outside. Who wouldn't right??

Last night I was in the basement, just minding my own business, when I heard the familiar pitter patter of rain drops on the windows. I thought,

"what is that sound? It's so familiar, but then again so not...i remember...but i don't...pitter patter...hmm, what could that be? is the dryer broken? wait a minute, oh my gosh! is it raining?"

Yes, it took that long for me to make the connection between the sound and the cause of the sound. Sad, I know. I've already lived here too long.

So I ran up the stairs, burst open the front door, and ran out to the grass that was, in fact, wet. My bare feet were absolutely delighted to meet the rain again. It was like a happy reunion between old friends. It's a weird thing to miss, but there you go. I miss the rain. And God gave it to me! It has rained two straight days in a row since then! (it's usually only at night, but still. It's magical.)

Actually yesterday it was overcast and only got up to 80-somethin. After weeks and weeks of 105 and sunny, 80-somethin feels downright chilly! We went out to dinner last night in celebration of my little brothers' graduation from the 8th grade...shout out to my bro! love you!...and I was wearing jeans and a short sleeve sweater thingy. When I got out of the car, I literally got chills and felt like I needed a jacket. I guess I'm finally acclimating! I never thought I would see the day when I felt cold in 80 degree weather. Crazy.

So weather, just keep doing what you're doing.

mmm, rain.

Ireland really is the perfect place for me :)

***Update: the paint in the family room is finally done, all of the cubbies are coated with a nice chocolate brown. The kitchen also got it's wash of color (pale yellow), it looks great. I will put up pictures ASAP!!
Oh, and I got a job! I am now working at the Village Health Club at Verrado doing kids club (watching all the kids while their mommies work out), and hopefully some front desk work. I will also be starting ballet classes at the beginning of June, which i am ultimately excited to teach. I'll also be doing some other kids fitness classes on the side. (I'm doing the happy dance right now)***

My Heart Runs Freely

2009-05-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

the cold winter mornings
of crisp contentment
plays on my heart strings
like a jack frost tenant
the floor that you like
is topped with dew on its surface
its face grows dimension
when he's drinking in earnest
my feet long for love
can be found with a chill
the ground mixed with water
till the grass has its fill

i long for the day when mountains will greet me
the flowers look lively and the colors collide
each one with another till it marks a discovery
the sun rises over the peaks, so bright
i run to the tippy of tops to take flight
i can sing with the air
that rushes into my lungs
i take a deep deep breath
till i can't get enough
my eyes are so full of light love and color
that my ears take a moment to hear and discover
a world unseen by patterns and consequence
only love can endure here

here in this light fest...

running is nothing when your legs break free
from the chains of normalcy
the mountain air is so crisp and full of life
no words can describe
the life he has created
no tongue can explain the sheer beauty and kind
oh rocks hear my cry
oh rivers, my mind!
when you run into nature
it greets you with creativity
come into my gardens and inhale of the lilies
there is so much to do and to see!
cracks and caves to discover
waves of water to dance in

can you feel the light?
don't tell me you don't, i'll just tell you to try
try harder and harder
it won't be missed. you'll see it one day
you'll feel those fragrant lilies and laugh on the sunbeams
you'll cry like the waterfalls that won't be held back
it's like pressure that refuses to be stopped by a boulder..

i wish so hard that sometimes my heart crumbles
my eyes fill with tears, so hot and unsure
so unsteady and overflowing
the lightness of love just pushes them over

just try and compare it, you can't
just believe it.

Before's After's and Lots of Paint

2009-05-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

The sharp smell of paint fills my house and you cannot escape it no matter where you go. Upstairs, downstairs, kitchen, or bathroom; you will always be smelling paint. That's what happens when you decide that you don't like the color of the walls and every single wall is the exact same color. Do you know what that means? It means you have to paint every single wall, or at least a bunch of them with a color SO distinct that you won't remember how ugly the previous one was. So that is what we are doing! Me and mom, working hard, sporting the paint tee and cutoffs. It's a really good look.

Want to see photos??

Here are the before's:

Yeah, like a sandstorm right?? I think my dad really puts it best..."it's like a sandstorm just blew through the entire house and coated every single surface. The carpets are sandstorm, the walls are sandstorm, even the dirt outside is sandstorm...you just can't escape it." So we did something drastic.

Drum roll pleeeease!!!

dun dun duh DUN!

The afters: (not the band, although they are quite good...)

And this one is just a cool painting we hung in one of the niches in the hallway. I just really like it, is all. Oh and by the way, the little cubbies next to the mantle are currently being painted with a chocolate brown, but they aren't finished yet! Just imagine... :)

Those weights are not your friend...

2009-05-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

WOW, what a couple of days it has been...I just have to tell you this one little story :)

Okay so my mom and I have been dutifully going to a butt kickin' muscle-cardio class here in Verrado that has absolutely changed my life. It is the hardest thing I've ever done and I think I've "almost passed out" like five times already. It got so bad that I actually hyperventilated. No really!! And I'm not your typical work out "chicken" either...I love working out and I go for runs as often as I can. But this class is seriously kicking my butt. I mean, she's bringin out the steps, the pilates mats, the heavy weights, the small weights (only to be paired with the heavy weights to make even HEAVIER weights), the exercise balls, the techno music...Oh yeah, we're going allll out.

So the funny story goes a little something like this:

We're all workin out happily, yelling out our "whoo-hoo's" at all the right moments. All us girls, jumping around like morons in a sweaty haze of endorphin highs. Then the teacher tells us to go get our heavy weights and of course, I run to them with ferver. I love those heavy weights...*ahem...not. Anyways, as I go to pick up my 'heavies' I somehow find myself caught between my mom's five pounder and a wall. Fancy that. She forcefully lifts up her five pound weight just as my head is bowed over my own five pounders to pick them up off the floor. BAM! My head literally rings like a bell that just got smacked inside of my brain. A goose egg the size of...well, a goose egg...immediately swells up on the side of my forehead.

"OOOOWWCH!! Moooom! Why in the world would you do that??"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Honey, I am SO sorry! I just didn't see ya there! Are you okay??"

"Umm, no??" *i lift my hand off the bulge on my forehead "Does it look okay to you?"

"Gasp! Oh my gosh!" ... silence ... "wow"

And now I'm thinking, "What, is my head sliced open with my brains pouring out for all the world to see? What's this "wow"??

Then I curiously peek in the mirror next to my face. Oh, my poor poor face. And yes, it was definitely worthy of the 'wow'. A two inch diameter circle had raised up over my right eyebrow making me look like Tom on Tom and Jerry when he gets smacked over the head with a frying pan. I had a permanent questioning look on my face because of my raised up eyebrow. No lie! The goose egg was literally a half inch off my face.

And keep in mind you all that this is all in complete public! All the girls are staring my direction feeling sad for me and especially sad for my mom who must feel just awful right now. Yeah, most people felt the greatest empathy towards my mother. Okay IM the one that got whacked full on in the head with a five pound weight people!!!

So long story short, I sat on the bathroom tile with an ice pack frozen to my forehead for twenty minutes, we couldn't finish the class, and my mom had to sign a form saying we wouldn't sue the gym or something. Yeah, some day huh?

I thought so.

Buuuut, I got to lay on the couch for the rest of the day watching Gilmore Girls and receiving free breakfast in bed. Or in couch, I suppose.

It was horribly...wonderful!!!

XOXO
Jourdan

Mother To the Motherless

2009-05-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

It was the most beautiful day of summer today. I woke up to the cleaning ladies vacuuming the rec room and the smell of bacon wafting from the upstairs. I love it when people cook breakfast!!! No, i do not do it for myself, i just like it when others do :)

It all started as a normal day...until the panic began.

It's MOTHERS DAY tomorrow!! My mother who works oh so hard to please us all deserves to be showered with all the best gifts. I love her. She keeps me going when things are tough, and always has the BEST advice. For anyone! She is like the mother to the motherless. People go to her all the time with questions about relationships, health (she used to be a nurse), and cooking. She's basically the best mom ever.

I know! Isn't it weird that I love my own mother so much?? I'M even surprised by it! I mean, I'm just a normal headstrong 17 year old girl with a healthy love of Gilmore Girls and piercings...I should have a horrible relationship with my mother. I should criticize her every move and talk about her behind her back with my friends. I should yell at her when things don't go my way and get mad at her for nothing. I should completely overlook the fact that she cooks me food and gets stains out of my white shirts. Yes, I should do all of these things. But I don't!!! Well, I try not to anyways :)

I L O V E my mother. If you've seen Gilmore Girls, I like to think of our relationship like Rory and Lorelai. Of course, sometimes we have our days when we fight or whatever, but for the most part we get along.

So tomorrow is Mothers Day and we usually cook her breakfast in bed and let her lounge around all day. Her only "thing" is that she doesn't want to have to cook for all of mothers day. So that's what we usually do! But this time I want to get her something special!

I get my mom and grandma to come up to town with me and we walk into a cute little clothing boutique. She looks at this cute white dress and goes "oohhhh that is cute!" SOOOOOO, i make her try it on even though she tries to tell me it's too expensive. What do you know, it was gorgeous on her! It's like a little white fairy dress that you can wear at the pool over a bathingsuit or something. Totally cute!

So i buy it for her :) I absolutely love buying gifts for people, it pushes ALL of my happy buttons! I am so excited for Mothers Day now, I can't wait for her to be able to flaunt it at the pool!!

So mother, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU! You are the best mom in the whole wide world. No, the whole frickin wide universe plus all the planets and crap. I don't know ;) You're just great.

XOXO
Jourdan

Who Says Swimming isn't a Workout???

2009-05-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'll try coppertone, I'll try.

Well it is officially 105 degrees. That is a frickin' lot of degrees for where I come from!! If I go outside, will my skin burn so badly it'll fall off?? If I forget sunscreen on my neck will I become a redneck?? Can I even GO outside? I think I'll look ridiculous next to all the tan people here...

Maybe if I just get some Coppertone, I'll look like that little tan kid on the label!!

Okay well I'm off to brave the rays at the pool to do some laps after my BRUTAL workout yesterday. "Muscle-Cardio". Holy crap, kicked my butt. Anyways, I am so sore today that anything above floating around in 95 degree water is just absolutely out of the question!! And plus, it is so dang hot out I would never be able to go for a run. So there's my logic.

Swim time!!!

Where Our Paths Meet

2009-05-06T13:21:00.001-07:00

So...I've had this thought on my mind for quite some time now. Since I was about 13 years old, as a matter of fact!! Do you know what it is?? Can you guess? I bet you could come up with a pretty good one, considering the age hint *wink wink*. Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

Where will I meet "the one"? Who is he? What color eyes will he have? How mysterious will he be? Will it be love at first sight?

All right, so I'm not really one to obsess over things like this, but...can you blame me? I've only been thinking about it since I was an adolescent girl, after I watched 'A Walk To Remember'. Oh, now THAT's a story to be told..........

I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, at my best friend's birthday party. She had been my loyal "bff" ever since we shared our cookies-to-be-shared-with-the-class on the bus on that fateful day of Kindergarten. We vowed we would only eat one...or two...or five...or the whole BAG! Yes, it was both of our birthdays and we ate ALL of the cookies right there on the bus. I guess you could say we had somewhat of a bond after that. We ran from the icky boys on the playground from that day until third or fourth grade, when they stopped being so icky (hehe). A couple of other things happened after that, including me switching schools, but we always remained the best of friends.

So this one particular year, our thirteenth (i think), she had a FABulous party at her mom's house with a halloween theme. It was epic. I had such a blast, and it was always nice to get to see my old bff. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom and two older sisters. Can you say girl party??? It was heaven for a blossoming preteen girl. We ate "mom's munchies", which consisted of super buttered popcorn, gummi worms, milk duds, sweet tarts, jawbreakers, and any other unhealthy snack we could find around the house. Her mom insisted it was the best snack known to man...or woman, i should say, and forced me to try it. It was SO good. Like, THIS good (hand motions expressing my adamant love for this particular munchie). Anyways, we ate mom's munchies and watched movies all night long. Like I said, epic.

But by the end of the night many of the girls had gone home because of basketball practice early the next morning, or because they weren't "allowed" to stay the night. I, however, had my sleeping bag all ready to go in front of the TV with a bowl of munchies conveniently six inches away from my hand. We watched a few movies I had already seen, and it was pretty fun...UNTIL. The final movie in the sugar crazed chick flick marathon...A Walk To Remember with Mandy Moore and that other guy. I hadn't seen it yet and couldn't wait to finally join the crowd of pre-teen girls all over the world, chatting about it, loving it, crying during it. So there I go, walking into my destiny as a real woman. Bff eventually fell asleep somewhere near the part where the movie title comes up on the screen at the very beginning, and I had the movie all to myself. Actually I think this was a good thing as it contributed to my ability to be free to cry and blubber all I wanted without being reminded of my pathetic-ness.

And cry and blubber, I did. I didn't know anything about the story and had no idea she was going to die of leukemia (sorry for the spoiler...if you haven't seen it yet, which all you women should at some point in your lives, just pretend you have no idea what's going to happen while watching it). But somehow, I was completely drawn into the romance between Landon Carter and Jamie Sullivan. It was the first of many chick flicks for me...Ever since that fateful night of munchies and french toast (yes, french toast at night) I was ruined for romance movies and novels. Well, not really romance movies per se, just the fact that I loved to watch someone else fall in love in a magical way and wish it was me.

So that was when it began. It was when I found out boys didn't have cooties, and that popcorn and candy was in fact the best combination you could ever put in your mouth.

ALLLLL that to say, I've been thinking about my whirlwind romance that I'll eventually have a lot lately. Probably because I've been a wee bit lonely in the new home/state as of late. It doesn't really matter why I'm thinking about it, I just am. Remember that last post where I told you all about what I wanted for my future?? Well I forgot one part. I want to fall in love. I'm still not so sure about the whole "having babies" part, but I'm sure I'll warm up to the thought of puking children and poop stains on the carpet eventually. No need to rush, I always say.

"Love is like the wind, you cannot see it but you can always feel it."

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

Both characters were eighteen and still in high school when they fell in love...I'm seventeen. And graduating this year. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but I feel ready. Not necessarily for love, but for adventure. For going out on my own and finding myself. Perhaps I'll fall in love when I least expect it, when I'm traveling the world, just an unsuspecting girl caught up in a beautiful romance...Except for the whole dying of leukemia thing. That part doesn't have to happen :)

Who hasn't dreamed of being the character in their favorite movie?? See? I'm not crazy.

I may have a small case of wishful thinking, but definitely not crazy!!

Seize The Day

2009-05-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

I guess it's Poetry Week here at Saving Grace, I just can't stop writing! Hope you don't get too bored :) I had this weird creative bit that lasted about 24 hours the other day, so I just typed up a bunch of random stuff and saved them as drafts. I thought I might as well share them!!

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I will become in the future; what I'll be doing, where i'll be living. It's all such a jumbled up mess, that the best way I process is through poetry. Sitting at the piano bench, frantically scribbling down chords and melodies - things like that. Creativity must stem from hardship, because I've never written so much poetry and music in my lifetime!!

This is my heart:

I want to go to Ireland, I want to be a singer than influences people all around the world with the music I play, I want to be an artist that travels to unknown lands to put on canvas or paper the things that no one else has seen. I want to be someone who is worthy of the term 'influential'. I want to run and skip and adventure through wild countries and mountains, in search of who knows what. I want to build a house just how I'd like it, with prophetic artwork and furniture and rooms that actually mean something. I want to live upstairs from a cute little bakery and cafe in a small Italian town where all the 'regulars' come to visit at 8:00am...Newspapers, reading glasses, and old familiar faces. I want everything that happens from now until I die to mean something. This is bigger than what will I do this summer...it's bigger than the immediate, but definitely not limited to the long-term. I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I just want to matter. I want God to look down on me with pride and affection, I want Him to be able to say "well done my good and faithful servant". It's all about making a difference.

Most people don't hit this point in their lives until mid-life, or whenever they decide that everything they've ever done is 'meaningless' (from Ecclesiastes). I am ahead of the curve, I'm already dissatisfied with the petty, the normal, the steady homemaker lifestyle. I want something more!! I was created for more...wasn't I?

"I can't feel anymore...

All of the stuff I used to know,
Things that used to be important.
They all fall away

They don't want to be a part of me anymore.
That's okay, I understand.
I wouldn't want to be inside of me right now either.

I have no life, no one to hold
Not a single friend to call my own.
I wish I could stay in comfy-land forever.
But that wouldn't be wise, considering the weather.

He told me it would get rough,
He said it'd be hard...
But sometimes I'd rather face the weather
Than see what I've become through my heart's broken shards."

I think this one will eventually be put to music...

"Roaming, Roaming
Carefully searching
For someone who cares
But he's not even there.

Ranting, Raving
Political exclaiming
It all seems so petty
Wouldn't you rather get ready?

Be careful, He said
For the winds, they'll keep changing.
You must be on the lookout or
Life won't keep waiting.

Take it! Run.
Run so fast, you can fly
If winds will not take you
Then try till you die.

If love is a fast song
Than play it a new way
Forge a new path...
By force, seize the new day."

Now go share a cup of coffee with a good friend, and laugh about things that have happened in your week...Get happy! Enjoy what life has for you and never forget to 'run with the wind'. (No Pocahontas reference intended)

:)

The Only

2009-05-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

Tears of loneliness swept over me,
I cannot forget the one I once cared for.
My heart shouts from the tallest cliff:
"Show me!"

My crying out seems not to be heard,
I cannot find another word.

Show me the path that leads to great mercy.
Be near to me now,
For not even words can explain.

You are the only one who knows my heart,
My lovely, my only...my One True Love.

Cramming words into music simply will not do,
My feelings of joy, love, and fear
Are going too fast
For words to explain, or a love to attain.
Instead, I give up.
"I can't"

"I won't ever," "I shouldn't," or "please forgive me"
Show no meaning of my heart.
Because words are just words,
And when lonely becomes lonely
It's just a kind way to say
"I'm not worthy."

Circles and mirrors both show you the endless...
For a circle is only one line sewn together,
A mirror is a reflection of the life you let wither.
Faint is the heart of a cord with one strand,
But strong for a while if combined to no end.

I can't, I can't, I will not.

-Jourdan Meyers, 'The Only'

Some Italy Pics I Felt Like Sharing...

2009-05-01T18:18:00.001-07:00

I just couldn't resist!!! I have been thinking about traveling NON-STOP for a week or two now...all of a sudden I started reminiscing about my trip to Europe and couldn't help but look at all the pictures again! Then I got all caught up in how beautiful they were, I just had to share them with you all :) Enjoy enjoy!

(Most of these pics are from Orvieto or Cortona, both beautiful cities in Tuscany. Cortona, if you remember, was the same city Diane Lane bought her little villa in 'Under The Tuscan Sun'...great movie. If you haven't seen it, WATCH it!!! Change your life :) Okay so anyways, I don't have very many, but the few I do have are gorgeous. Click on them to make 'em bigger!!)

this is a small part of the villa my family rented out for a few weeks in Tuscany. It was HUGE! And, infested with bugs and lizards...hey, what can you do.

where i want to live (below)...wouldn't it be marvelous to step outside your door and see THIS?? friendly flowers greet your nose, while the blushing colors of spring are coming alive all around you. Ahh, that is the life.

this is where Diane Lane wrote the postcard..."i can smell the purple!"

Okay, so I lied..the last two pictures were from Belgium. But just as pretty, no? The one that looks like a paparazzi picture was completely coincidental. And yes, it is me. Keep in mind folks, this was a looong time ago!!

Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks installment of 'Pics for Fun', I might end up doing it again soon!!

All I See - Lydia

2009-04-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

read the lyrics first...

You will never waste my time, no, no
You will never waste my time, 'cause...

Well, she locks all the doors and turns, says,
"We will always be safe here in this bed
All I see scares me, and no one waits forever."

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...

No one could ever wait for you
And no one, yeah, no one could ever wait for you
I'll wait for you, love

But you are the never ending sleep
That I love to treat with this medicine
I get from my, my closer friend
But all I see...

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...

now listen to it:

http://www.imeem.com/people/nqdE2hs/music/9uMXLDlc/lydia-all-i-see/

Take a Walk with Me...

2009-04-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

Here are a few amateur photos I took while taking my best friend Gabey (my very cute white puppy dog) for a walk outside in Verrado. Now you can really feel like you are taking a walk with me!! Unfortunately, my camera decided to stop working halfway through, so we only get to go a little ways :) Anyways, I am no professional so no close studying of the pictures *wink wink*... Enjoy!

some pretty blossoms...

this is one of the ginormous houses down my street...

this is the lovely 'Founders Park' that is also just down the street. Gabe likes to run around on the grass :)

here we are looking back up my street from whence we came.

No, this is not my house...sadly, it is just around the block. But I absolutely love the posts on the front porch.

Thank you so much for walking with me!! I hope we can do it again sometime...

:)

Until then,
Jourdan

Tis the Season...for FAIRS!!

2009-04-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

oh my gosh oh my gosh...it's official. My dad is taking me and my brothers to the Maricopa county fair in Phoenix!!! I am so excited. No, you don't understand - i probably love fairs more than any other corn dog lovin cowboy hat wearin hobo...you see, I kind of grew up on county fairs.

When I was all into horses and whatnot, I would go to the fair every year to show them off and get lots of pretty ribbons and fancy trophies to put on my wall. Even before I HAD horses I would go to the fair just to watch my friends compete. I would cheer them on, help them brush down their prize ponies, and get on and ride when the judges weren't looking ;) I tell ya, it was absolutely the best week of the year. Sometimes we would hop on one of those rusty trolleys and ride them into the real fairgrounds to see all the festivities..stand up comedians, hypnotists, and a bunch of little girls frolicking around in pink tutus showing their parents that they really did learn something in the local ballet studio (even if it is absolutely painful to watch).

I went to that SAME fair like four consecutive times and it never ever got old.

Oh and the rides!! Ohhh the rides...I love rollercoasters, ferris wheels, and bumper cars. It's just a recipe for success. I mean, you have tons of sugar, people to watch, things to buy, henna tattoo booths, the RODEO, elephant ears, and crazy flashing lights. What could be better??

Whenever I walk into the fairgrounds I get this warm fuzzy fun feeling. I don't know how else to describe it! It's like the adrenaline rush you get from dropping 80 feet on a rollercoaster - you can't stop smiling and you know your face looks hilarious so you hope and pray the person next to you doesn't glance your way :) I love that.

Well I'm off to the fair, I love you all and wish you could be here with me!! Blessings and love,

Jourdan

New Things Are Happening!!

2009-04-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody who I know so faithfully read my blog! I have so many new and exciting things to tell you about.

One, i cut my bangs. They're really cute.

Two, I have a potential ballet teaching job opening up with the health club down the road. I am SO excited. They have been looking for a little kid ballet teacher for a long time and were thrilled to find out I was interested. I turned in my official application yesterday, so we'll see how it all turns out!!

Okay three, I just whitened my teeth because I ran out of my favorite toothpaste and I'm too cheap to go buy some more at CVS, therefore my teeth will probably hurt for the rest of the day. Dang.

Four, I have longboarded so much in the past week and a half that my left calf is officially larger than my right as a result of riding goofy; go figure.

Five, I haven't talked to my tri city peeps in a frickin long time since i've been here and i miss them terribly.

Six (wow, this is getting to be a long list), the tile guys have been wet saw-ing outside my front door for three days straight now and I'm starting to hear it in my sleep.

Seven, online classes suck.

Eight, I had a babysitting interview last night with some awesome people and I got to see a great dane for the first time which quite intimidated me. Seriously, it's head came up to my chin!!! Scary for a hundred pound little girl..

Nine, I got to go to Scottsdale for a shopping trip but didn't think about the fact that it was Easter Sunday and it was possible that all the stores would be closed. My bad. BUT I've never seen so many awesome cars and big a** mansions on hillsides in my life, so...cool trip.

That's all I have time for right now, I'm off to the DMV to wait in line for hours and hours to get a horrible picture taken of me and put on my new Arizona license :)

Ciao!

-Jourdan

What I've been doing lately...

2009-04-09T17:01:00.001-07:00

Why hello all!

I have officially started blogging again, and let me tell you it has been so refreshing for me. I love being able to share my thoughts with the random blog world. So as you all know, I recently moved to Arizona and I am loving it so much! The house is pretty much in shambles with clutter and misplaced things all over its horizontal surfaces. So much "stuff" without a home. Hopefully this weekend will prove successful in getting it all cleaned up. My room is almost finished; my bed is all put together and my closet is full of all my clothes...yes, there were a TON to put away. You don't really realize how much junk you have until you move! Seriously, I threw away so much stuff from my room, I even gave away a bunch of my clothes to my little cousin Kaylee and still! I had a minimum of 7 boxes to unload into my little 12 by 12 bedroom. And that's nothing compared to how much has gone into this massive house. I'm guessing this place is probably about 1000 square feet bigger than our last place and it seems like there isn't enough space for all our stuff! I think it's just because there isn't a place for everything. It kind of looks like an old antique store in here with all the random furniture scattered around!

I do love this kitchen, though. We've made so many delicious meals in here already, it's gotten truly broken in! Momma made creme brule this afternoon and we are going to bring it to 'Grazie' tonight for Friday night dinner :) Okay, so Friday night dinner has become somewhat of a tradition around here. My parents happened to meet a few awesome people who love to drink wine at the authentic Italian restaurant here in Verrado, and what do you know...Friday night drinks at Grazie became quite popular! The last time us kids came to visit, we went to Grazie for the first time and loved it. Franco (the very Italian owner) came out and did the "Heyyy! Howa you doin??!" with the hand motions and everything. He makes special canoles for mom with no chocolate chips just for her :) We are already like family! So anyways, today is Friday and undeniably we will be having canoles at Pizzeria Grazie tonight. I can't wait!

I have gotten sunburned more times than I can remember already and we've only been here for a week! I think I have a perpetual collarbone burn goin' on. I have faithfully loved that lawn chair on the left of the lap pool and what has it given me in return? Nothing but pain. So there you go, I am not so lucky in love these days...I've gotten burned every time. I think I will trade in my pain for a few luxurious hours of sun beams on my face though. Lawn chair, you will not scare me away!

Pretty sure I love summer, but I will definitely miss the gorgeous winter days in Tri Cities. I love wearing sweaters and boots while walking with a good friend through the leaves or unsuccessfully throwing snowballs at someone three feet away. The big maple trees, the flowing river, the house with so many memories in it. Yes, these things I will miss but God has given me so many other things to be thankful for. I will always love what I had in Washington but I am SURE that He has greater things for me here.

Blessings to all you people I love so much,
XOXO
jourdan

A Funny Feeling

2009-04-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today I am ambushed by a funny feeling...one that makes me wonder why I am here. What is the purpose of moving to a whole new state, a whole new life? How come I have to leave all of my friends and family for the uncertainties of Buckeye? Seriously? Why can't I just stay where I know everyone, every coffee shop, and how to work the microwave? I am seemingly confused right now about a lot of things but the biggest one that is on my mind is how to deal with these feelings.

I think I am probably the most laid back person on the planet. So how in the world (and when!) did I all of a sudden become all stressed out and feeling lost? I can't seem to put together all of the pieces floating around in my brain. At any given moment of any random day I am thinking about a million things and they are all fighting for my attention. They zoom around inside my head with no particular path to follow, like me. They sometimes bump into the other bajillion thoughts and apologize sincerely before zooming off to the next unknown destination. I honestly feel like one of those thoughts.

Yes, I am comparing myself to a figment of my imagination, literally, but it is the quickest way to describe the flurry of emotions rolling about in my overloaded brain.

I always loved the movie 'You've Got Mail'. It turns around the priorities of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox until all they can focus on is eachother. When her business is crashing down around her, she is able to seek solace with her internet soul mate Joe Fox. He gives her expert advice, because little did she know, he was in the book business himself...And he helps her through the hardest of times. I feel like I relate to these characters in more way than one!

"The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.' And the answer to your question is 'Go to the mattresses.' You're at war. 'It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal it's business.' Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death." - Joe Fox

Fight! Fight to the death! Don't let the enemy know you're losing it...That makes sense, huh?

Here's another one:

"I met a man in an elevator today who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he." - Joe Fox

And another:

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" - Joe Fox

Actually, I just like that one :) Not really sure if it has any deep meaning...So I will leave you with this winner:

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void." - Kathleen Kelly

So with that, I send my questions out into the void of cyberspace. I don't seek answers from people or even the Godfather himself. I'm just getting them out of my head and onto some cyber-paper so they don't have to come out of my mouth. I find the same relief comes from writing a thought down as it does when you speak it. So instead of boring someone with my questions, I send them away for anyone to read and digest.

Goodnight dear void,
Jourdan Elisabeth

Today I Write

2009-03-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day
A day above all else,
I move with your spirit...
I move and I apprehend.

To move is to leave behind the old
And start anew, breaking the old laws,
stretching the old lines.
New boundaries surround you

...and people stare.

Today I watch the two mover-guys put all of our things away in big brown boxes. They have no idea what each item means, or what funny story pops into my head every time I look at it. They are just two guys doing their job. They pack away the furniture and stuff it into a large truck, never to be touched by the sunlight until the day it arrives at the new house.

New houses are like trying a new food, or dish. You take your first taste and at that moment, you decide whether you like it or not. The initial flavor is the one that captures your attention.

I can't decide whether or not I am going to like the new house, or the new neighborhood because I haven't lived there yet! I am hopeful. I hope the good feeling lasts and that it leads to fulfilling what God has planned for me in this new season.

Well, now I go to lunch with my lovely grandma and her two best friends Bill and Judy. Actually, they might be some of my best friends too! I love watching them - they always have so much fun doing the most meaningless things. They play cards and dominoes; they eat tacos every Wednesday with hot sauce and coffee...Sometimes I join them in their festivities just because I can. Oh yes, and because I love them to death :) I wish I owned my own cafe and bakery so I could watch all the good friends come in to chat and share a bite.

That is all for now. I will update you with more info as to my move when I catch a few minutes to jot it down...
Blessings,

-his.

2006-04-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

My faithfulness is to You, Lord
When You run, I run
When You fly,
I come with You
I am forever committed to You
For you took me out of darkness
I would have perished without you
In the evil of the world
But You take me out of that every now and again
To show me what I have been waiting for so long
There will be a fire someday,
A darkness in the decieving bright
But that fire cannot touch me,
I will be a rock like You promised I would be
A melody to that song You sing
A servant at Your feet

Father, I adore You.