A Funny Feeling

Today I am ambushed by a funny feeling...one that makes me wonder why I am here. What is the purpose of moving to a whole new state, a whole new life? How come I have to leave all of my friends and family for the uncertainties of Buckeye? Seriously? Why can't I just stay where I know everyone, every coffee shop, and how to work the microwave? I am seemingly confused right now about a lot of things but the biggest one that is on my mind is how to deal with these feelings.

I think I am probably the most laid back person on the planet. So how in the world (and when!) did I all of a sudden become all stressed out and feeling lost? I can't seem to put together all of the pieces floating around in my brain. At any given moment of any random day I am thinking about a million things and they are all fighting for my attention. They zoom around inside my head with no particular path to follow, like me. They sometimes bump into the other bajillion thoughts and apologize sincerely before zooming off to the next unknown destination. I honestly feel like one of those thoughts.

Yes, I am comparing myself to a figment of my imagination, literally, but it is the quickest way to describe the flurry of emotions rolling about in my overloaded brain.

I always loved the movie 'You've Got Mail'. It turns around the priorities of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox until all they can focus on is eachother. When her business is crashing down around her, she is able to seek solace with her internet soul mate Joe Fox. He gives her expert advice, because little did she know, he was in the book business himself...And he helps her through the hardest of times. I feel like I relate to these characters in more way than one!

"The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.' And the answer to your question is 'Go to the mattresses.' You're at war. 'It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal it's business.' Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death." - Joe Fox

Fight! Fight to the death! Don't let the enemy know you're losing it...That makes sense, huh?

Here's another one:

"I met a man in an elevator today who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he." - Joe Fox

And another:

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" - Joe Fox

Actually, I just like that one :) Not really sure if it has any deep meaning...So I will leave you with this winner:

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void." - Kathleen Kelly

So with that, I send my questions out into the void of cyberspace. I don't seek answers from people or even the Godfather himself. I'm just getting them out of my head and onto some cyber-paper so they don't have to come out of my mouth. I find the same relief comes from writing a thought down as it does when you speak it. So instead of boring someone with my questions, I send them away for anyone to read and digest.

Goodnight dear void,
Jourdan Elisabeth