My Heart Runs Freely

the cold winter mornings
of crisp contentment
plays on my heart strings
like a jack frost tenant
the floor that you like
is topped with dew on its surface
its face grows dimension
when he's drinking in earnest
my feet long for love
can be found with a chill
the ground mixed with water
till the grass has its fill

i long for the day when mountains will greet me
the flowers look lively and the colors collide
each one with another till it marks a discovery
the sun rises over the peaks, so bright
i run to the tippy of tops to take flight
i can sing with the air
that rushes into my lungs
i take a deep deep breath
till i can't get enough
my eyes are so full of light love and color
that my ears take a moment to hear and discover
a world unseen by patterns and consequence
only love can endure here

here in this light fest...

running is nothing when your legs break free
from the chains of normalcy
the mountain air is so crisp and full of life
no words can describe
the life he has created
no tongue can explain the sheer beauty and kind
oh rocks hear my cry
oh rivers, my mind!
when you run into nature
it greets you with creativity
come into my gardens and inhale of the lilies
there is so much to do and to see!
cracks and caves to discover
waves of water to dance in

can you feel the light?
don't tell me you don't, i'll just tell you to try
try harder and harder
it won't be missed. you'll see it one day
you'll feel those fragrant lilies and laugh on the sunbeams
you'll cry like the waterfalls that won't be held back
it's like pressure that refuses to be stopped by a boulder..

i wish so hard that sometimes my heart crumbles
my eyes fill with tears, so hot and unsure
so unsteady and overflowing
the lightness of love just pushes them over

just try and compare it, you can't
just believe it.

Before's After's and Lots of Paint

The sharp smell of paint fills my house and you cannot escape it no matter where you go. Upstairs, downstairs, kitchen, or bathroom; you will always be smelling paint. That's what happens when you decide that you don't like the color of the walls and every single wall is the exact same color. Do you know what that means? It means you have to paint every single wall, or at least a bunch of them with a color SO distinct that you won't remember how ugly the previous one was. So that is what we are doing! Me and mom, working hard, sporting the paint tee and cutoffs. It's a really good look.

Want to see photos??

Here are the before's:



















































Yeah, like a sandstorm right?? I think my dad really puts it best..."it's like a sandstorm just blew through the entire house and coated every single surface. The carpets are sandstorm, the walls are sandstorm, even the dirt outside is sandstorm...you just can't escape it." So we did something drastic.

Drum roll pleeeease!!!

dun dun duh DUN!

The afters: (not the band, although they are quite good...)






































































And this one is just a cool painting we hung in one of the niches in the hallway. I just really like it, is all. Oh and by the way, the little cubbies next to the mantle are currently being painted with a chocolate brown, but they aren't finished yet! Just imagine... :)

Those weights are not your friend...

WOW, what a couple of days it has been...I just have to tell you this one little story :)

Okay so my mom and I have been dutifully going to a butt kickin' muscle-cardio class here in Verrado that has absolutely changed my life. It is the hardest thing I've ever done and I think I've "almost passed out" like five times already. It got so bad that I actually hyperventilated. No really!! And I'm not your typical work out "chicken" either...I love working out and I go for runs as often as I can. But this class is seriously kicking my butt. I mean, she's bringin out the steps, the pilates mats, the heavy weights, the small weights (only to be paired with the heavy weights to make even HEAVIER weights), the exercise balls, the techno music...Oh yeah, we're going allll out.

So the funny story goes a little something like this:

We're all workin out happily, yelling out our "whoo-hoo's" at all the right moments. All us girls, jumping around like morons in a sweaty haze of endorphin highs. Then the teacher tells us to go get our heavy weights and of course, I run to them with ferver. I love those heavy weights...*ahem...not. Anyways, as I go to pick up my 'heavies' I somehow find myself caught between my mom's five pounder and a wall. Fancy that. She forcefully lifts up her five pound weight just as my head is bowed over my own five pounders to pick them up off the floor. BAM! My head literally rings like a bell that just got smacked inside of my brain. A goose egg the size of...well, a goose egg...immediately swells up on the side of my forehead.

"OOOOWWCH!! Moooom! Why in the world would you do that??"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Honey, I am SO sorry! I just didn't see ya there! Are you okay??"

"Umm, no??" *i lift my hand off the bulge on my forehead "Does it look okay to you?"

"Gasp! Oh my gosh!" ... silence ... "wow"

And now I'm thinking, "What, is my head sliced open with my brains pouring out for all the world to see? What's this "wow"??

Then I curiously peek in the mirror next to my face. Oh, my poor poor face. And yes, it was definitely worthy of the 'wow'. A two inch diameter circle had raised up over my right eyebrow making me look like Tom on Tom and Jerry when he gets smacked over the head with a frying pan. I had a permanent questioning look on my face because of my raised up eyebrow. No lie! The goose egg was literally a half inch off my face.

And keep in mind you all that this is all in complete public! All the girls are staring my direction feeling sad for me and especially sad for my mom who must feel just awful right now. Yeah, most people felt the greatest empathy towards my mother. Okay IM the one that got whacked full on in the head with a five pound weight people!!!

So long story short, I sat on the bathroom tile with an ice pack frozen to my forehead for twenty minutes, we couldn't finish the class, and my mom had to sign a form saying we wouldn't sue the gym or something. Yeah, some day huh?

I thought so.

Buuuut, I got to lay on the couch for the rest of the day watching Gilmore Girls and receiving free breakfast in bed. Or in couch, I suppose.

It was horribly...wonderful!!!

XOXO
Jourdan

Mother To the Motherless

It was the most beautiful day of summer today. I woke up to the cleaning ladies vacuuming the rec room and the smell of bacon wafting from the upstairs. I love it when people cook breakfast!!! No, i do not do it for myself, i just like it when others do :)

It all started as a normal day...until the panic began.

It's MOTHERS DAY tomorrow!! My mother who works oh so hard to please us all deserves to be showered with all the best gifts. I love her. She keeps me going when things are tough, and always has the BEST advice. For anyone! She is like the mother to the motherless. People go to her all the time with questions about relationships, health (she used to be a nurse), and cooking. She's basically the best mom ever.

I know! Isn't it weird that I love my own mother so much?? I'M even surprised by it! I mean, I'm just a normal headstrong 17 year old girl with a healthy love of Gilmore Girls and piercings...I should have a horrible relationship with my mother. I should criticize her every move and talk about her behind her back with my friends. I should yell at her when things don't go my way and get mad at her for nothing. I should completely overlook the fact that she cooks me food and gets stains out of my white shirts. Yes, I should do all of these things. But I don't!!! Well, I try not to anyways :)

I L O V E my mother. If you've seen Gilmore Girls, I like to think of our relationship like Rory and Lorelai. Of course, sometimes we have our days when we fight or whatever, but for the most part we get along.

So tomorrow is Mothers Day and we usually cook her breakfast in bed and let her lounge around all day. Her only "thing" is that she doesn't want to have to cook for all of mothers day. So that's what we usually do! But this time I want to get her something special!

I get my mom and grandma to come up to town with me and we walk into a cute little clothing boutique. She looks at this cute white dress and goes "oohhhh that is cute!" SOOOOOO, i make her try it on even though she tries to tell me it's too expensive. What do you know, it was gorgeous on her! It's like a little white fairy dress that you can wear at the pool over a bathingsuit or something. Totally cute!

So i buy it for her :) I absolutely love buying gifts for people, it pushes ALL of my happy buttons! I am so excited for Mothers Day now, I can't wait for her to be able to flaunt it at the pool!!

So mother, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU! You are the best mom in the whole wide world. No, the whole frickin wide universe plus all the planets and crap. I don't know ;) You're just great.

XOXO
Jourdan

Who Says Swimming isn't a Workout???

I'll try coppertone, I'll try.

Well it is officially 105 degrees. That is a frickin' lot of degrees for where I come from!! If I go outside, will my skin burn so badly it'll fall off?? If I forget sunscreen on my neck will I become a redneck?? Can I even GO outside? I think I'll look ridiculous next to all the tan people here...

Maybe if I just get some Coppertone, I'll look like that little tan kid on the label!!

Okay well I'm off to brave the rays at the pool to do some laps after my BRUTAL workout yesterday. "Muscle-Cardio". Holy crap, kicked my butt. Anyways, I am so sore today that anything above floating around in 95 degree water is just absolutely out of the question!! And plus, it is so dang hot out I would never be able to go for a run. So there's my logic.

Swim time!!!

Where Our Paths Meet

So...I've had this thought on my mind for quite some time now. Since I was about 13 years old, as a matter of fact!! Do you know what it is?? Can you guess? I bet you could come up with a pretty good one, considering the age hint *wink wink*. Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

Where will I meet "the one"? Who is he? What color eyes will he have? How mysterious will he be? Will it be love at first sight?

All right, so I'm not really one to obsess over things like this, but...can you blame me? I've only been thinking about it since I was an adolescent girl, after I watched 'A Walk To Remember'. Oh, now THAT's a story to be told..........


I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, at my best friend's birthday party. She had been my loyal "bff" ever since we shared our cookies-to-be-shared-with-the-class on the bus on that fateful day of Kindergarten. We vowed we would only eat one...or two...or five...or the whole BAG! Yes, it was both of our birthdays and we ate ALL of the cookies right there on the bus. I guess you could say we had somewhat of a bond after that. We ran from the icky boys on the playground from that day until third or fourth grade, when they stopped being so icky (hehe). A couple of other things happened after that, including me switching schools, but we always remained the best of friends.

So this one particular year, our thirteenth (i think), she had a FABulous party at her mom's house with a halloween theme. It was epic. I had such a blast, and it was always nice to get to see my old bff. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom and two older sisters. Can you say girl party??? It was heaven for a blossoming preteen girl. We ate "mom's munchies", which consisted of super buttered popcorn, gummi worms, milk duds, sweet tarts, jawbreakers, and any other unhealthy snack we could find around the house. Her mom insisted it was the best snack known to man...or woman, i should say, and forced me to try it. It was SO good. Like, THIS good (hand motions expressing my adamant love for this particular munchie). Anyways, we ate mom's munchies and watched movies all night long. Like I said, epic.

But by the end of the night many of the girls had gone home because of basketball practice early the next morning, or because they weren't "allowed" to stay the night. I, however, had my sleeping bag all ready to go in front of the TV with a bowl of munchies conveniently six inches away from my hand. We watched a few movies I had already seen, and it was pretty fun...UNTIL. The final movie in the sugar crazed chick flick marathon...A Walk To Remember with Mandy Moore and that other guy. I hadn't seen it yet and couldn't wait to finally join the crowd of pre-teen girls all over the world, chatting about it, loving it, crying during it. So there I go, walking into my destiny as a real woman. Bff eventually fell asleep somewhere near the part where the movie title comes up on the screen at the very beginning, and I had the movie all to myself. Actually I think this was a good thing as it contributed to my ability to be free to cry and blubber all I wanted without being reminded of my pathetic-ness.



And cry and blubber, I did. I didn't know anything about the story and had no idea she was going to die of leukemia (sorry for the spoiler...if you haven't seen it yet, which all you women should at some point in your lives, just pretend you have no idea what's going to happen while watching it). But somehow, I was completely drawn into the romance between Landon Carter and Jamie Sullivan. It was the first of many chick flicks for me...Ever since that fateful night of munchies and french toast (yes, french toast at night) I was ruined for romance movies and novels. Well, not really romance movies per se, just the fact that I loved to watch someone else fall in love in a magical way and wish it was me.

So that was when it began. It was when I found out boys didn't have cooties, and that popcorn and candy was in fact the best combination you could ever put in your mouth.

ALLLLL that to say, I've been thinking about my whirlwind romance that I'll eventually have a lot lately. Probably because I've been a wee bit lonely in the new home/state as of late. It doesn't really matter why I'm thinking about it, I just am. Remember that last post where I told you all about what I wanted for my future?? Well I forgot one part. I want to fall in love. I'm still not so sure about the whole "having babies" part, but I'm sure I'll warm up to the thought of puking children and poop stains on the carpet eventually. No need to rush, I always say.

"Love is like the wind, you cannot see it but you can always feel it."

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

Both characters were eighteen and still in high school when they fell in love...I'm seventeen. And graduating this year. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but I feel ready. Not necessarily for love, but for adventure. For going out on my own and finding myself. Perhaps I'll fall in love when I least expect it, when I'm traveling the world, just an unsuspecting girl caught up in a beautiful romance...Except for the whole dying of leukemia thing. That part doesn't have to happen :)

Who hasn't dreamed of being the character in their favorite movie?? See? I'm not crazy.

I may have a small case of wishful thinking, but definitely not crazy!!

Seize The Day

I guess it's Poetry Week here at Saving Grace, I just can't stop writing! Hope you don't get too bored :) I had this weird creative bit that lasted about 24 hours the other day, so I just typed up a bunch of random stuff and saved them as drafts. I thought I might as well share them!!

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I will become in the future; what I'll be doing, where i'll be living. It's all such a jumbled up mess, that the best way I process is through poetry. Sitting at the piano bench, frantically scribbling down chords and melodies - things like that. Creativity must stem from hardship, because I've never written so much poetry and music in my lifetime!!

This is my heart:

I want to go to Ireland, I want to be a singer than influences people all around the world with the music I play, I want to be an artist that travels to unknown lands to put on canvas or paper the things that no one else has seen. I want to be someone who is worthy of the term 'influential'. I want to run and skip and adventure through wild countries and mountains, in search of who knows what. I want to build a house just how I'd like it, with prophetic artwork and furniture and rooms that actually mean something. I want to live upstairs from a cute little bakery and cafe in a small Italian town where all the 'regulars' come to visit at 8:00am...Newspapers, reading glasses, and old familiar faces. I want everything that happens from now until I die to mean something. This is bigger than what will I do this summer...it's bigger than the immediate, but definitely not limited to the long-term. I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I just want to matter. I want God to look down on me with pride and affection, I want Him to be able to say "well done my good and faithful servant". It's all about making a difference.

Most people don't hit this point in their lives until mid-life, or whenever they decide that everything they've ever done is 'meaningless' (from Ecclesiastes). I am ahead of the curve, I'm already dissatisfied with the petty, the normal, the steady homemaker lifestyle. I want something more!! I was created for more...wasn't I?



"I can't feel anymore...

All of the stuff I used to know,
Things that used to be important.
They all fall away

They don't want to be a part of me anymore.
That's okay, I understand.
I wouldn't want to be inside of me right now either.

I have no life, no one to hold
Not a single friend to call my own.
I wish I could stay in comfy-land forever.
But that wouldn't be wise, considering the weather.

He told me it would get rough,
He said it'd be hard...
But sometimes I'd rather face the weather
Than see what I've become through my heart's broken shards."



I think this one will eventually be put to music...



"Roaming, Roaming
Carefully searching
For someone who cares
But he's not even there.

Ranting, Raving
Political exclaiming
It all seems so petty
Wouldn't you rather get ready?

Be careful, He said
For the winds, they'll keep changing.
You must be on the lookout or
Life won't keep waiting.

Take it! Run.
Run so fast, you can fly
If winds will not take you
Then try till you die.

If love is a fast song
Than play it a new way
Forge a new path...
By force, seize the new day."


Now go share a cup of coffee with a good friend, and laugh about things that have happened in your week...Get happy! Enjoy what life has for you and never forget to 'run with the wind'. (No Pocahontas reference intended)

:)

The Only

Tears of loneliness swept over me,
I cannot forget the one I once cared for.
My heart shouts from the tallest cliff:
"Show me!"

My crying out seems not to be heard,
I cannot find another word.

Show me the path that leads to great mercy.
Be near to me now,
For not even words can explain.

You are the only one who knows my heart,
My lovely, my only...my One True Love.

Cramming words into music simply will not do,
My feelings of joy, love, and fear
Are going too fast
For words to explain, or a love to attain.
Instead, I give up.
"I can't"

"I won't ever," "I shouldn't," or "please forgive me"
Show no meaning of my heart.
Because words are just words,
And when lonely becomes lonely
It's just a kind way to say
"I'm not worthy."

Circles and mirrors both show you the endless...
For a circle is only one line sewn together,
A mirror is a reflection of the life you let wither.
Faint is the heart of a cord with one strand,
But strong for a while if combined to no end.

I can't, I can't, I will not.

-Jourdan Meyers, 'The Only'

Some Italy Pics I Felt Like Sharing...

I just couldn't resist!!! I have been thinking about traveling NON-STOP for a week or two now...all of a sudden I started reminiscing about my trip to Europe and couldn't help but look at all the pictures again! Then I got all caught up in how beautiful they were, I just had to share them with you all :) Enjoy enjoy!

(Most of these pics are from Orvieto or Cortona, both beautiful cities in Tuscany. Cortona, if you remember, was the same city Diane Lane bought her little villa in 'Under The Tuscan Sun'...great movie. If you haven't seen it, WATCH it!!! Change your life :) Okay so anyways, I don't have very many, but the few I do have are gorgeous. Click on them to make 'em bigger!!)



this is a small part of the villa my family rented out for a few weeks in Tuscany. It was HUGE! And, infested with bugs and lizards...hey, what can you do.






where i want to live (below)...wouldn't it be marvelous to step outside your door and see THIS?? friendly flowers greet your nose, while the blushing colors of spring are coming alive all around you. Ahh, that is the life.






this is where Diane Lane wrote the postcard..."i can smell the purple!"





Okay, so I lied..the last two pictures were from Belgium. But just as pretty, no? The one that looks like a paparazzi picture was completely coincidental. And yes, it is me. Keep in mind folks, this was a looong time ago!!

Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks installment of 'Pics for Fun', I might end up doing it again soon!!

All I See - Lydia

read the lyrics first...


You will never waste my time, no, no
You will never waste my time, 'cause...

Well, she locks all the doors and turns, says,
"We will always be safe here in this bed
All I see scares me, and no one waits forever."

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...

No one could ever wait for you
And no one, yeah, no one could ever wait for you
I'll wait for you, love

But you are the never ending sleep
That I love to treat with this medicine
I get from my, my closer friend
But all I see...

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...



now listen to it:


http://www.imeem.com/people/nqdE2hs/music/9uMXLDlc/lydia-all-i-see/

Take a Walk with Me...

Here are a few amateur photos I took while taking my best friend Gabey (my very cute white puppy dog) for a walk outside in Verrado. Now you can really feel like you are taking a walk with me!! Unfortunately, my camera decided to stop working halfway through, so we only get to go a little ways :) Anyways, I am no professional so no close studying of the pictures *wink wink*... Enjoy!





some pretty blossoms...









this is one of the ginormous houses down my street...



this is the lovely 'Founders Park' that is also just down the street. Gabe likes to run around on the grass :)



here we are looking back up my street from whence we came.









No, this is not my house...sadly, it is just around the block. But I absolutely love the posts on the front porch.






Thank you so much for walking with me!! I hope we can do it again sometime...

:)

Until then,
Jourdan

Tis the Season...for FAIRS!!

oh my gosh oh my gosh...it's official. My dad is taking me and my brothers to the Maricopa county fair in Phoenix!!! I am so excited. No, you don't understand - i probably love fairs more than any other corn dog lovin cowboy hat wearin hobo...you see, I kind of grew up on county fairs.

When I was all into horses and whatnot, I would go to the fair every year to show them off and get lots of pretty ribbons and fancy trophies to put on my wall. Even before I HAD horses I would go to the fair just to watch my friends compete. I would cheer them on, help them brush down their prize ponies, and get on and ride when the judges weren't looking ;) I tell ya, it was absolutely the best week of the year. Sometimes we would hop on one of those rusty trolleys and ride them into the real fairgrounds to see all the festivities..stand up comedians, hypnotists, and a bunch of little girls frolicking around in pink tutus showing their parents that they really did learn something in the local ballet studio (even if it is absolutely painful to watch).

I went to that SAME fair like four consecutive times and it never ever got old.

Oh and the rides!! Ohhh the rides...I love rollercoasters, ferris wheels, and bumper cars. It's just a recipe for success. I mean, you have tons of sugar, people to watch, things to buy, henna tattoo booths, the RODEO, elephant ears, and crazy flashing lights. What could be better??

Whenever I walk into the fairgrounds I get this warm fuzzy fun feeling. I don't know how else to describe it! It's like the adrenaline rush you get from dropping 80 feet on a rollercoaster - you can't stop smiling and you know your face looks hilarious so you hope and pray the person next to you doesn't glance your way :) I love that.

Well I'm off to the fair, I love you all and wish you could be here with me!! Blessings and love,

Jourdan

New Things Are Happening!!

Hey everybody who I know so faithfully read my blog! I have so many new and exciting things to tell you about.

One, i cut my bangs. They're really cute.

Two, I have a potential ballet teaching job opening up with the health club down the road. I am SO excited. They have been looking for a little kid ballet teacher for a long time and were thrilled to find out I was interested. I turned in my official application yesterday, so we'll see how it all turns out!!

Okay three, I just whitened my teeth because I ran out of my favorite toothpaste and I'm too cheap to go buy some more at CVS, therefore my teeth will probably hurt for the rest of the day. Dang.

Four, I have longboarded so much in the past week and a half that my left calf is officially larger than my right as a result of riding goofy; go figure.

Five, I haven't talked to my tri city peeps in a frickin long time since i've been here and i miss them terribly.

Six (wow, this is getting to be a long list), the tile guys have been wet saw-ing outside my front door for three days straight now and I'm starting to hear it in my sleep.

Seven, online classes suck.

Eight, I had a babysitting interview last night with some awesome people and I got to see a great dane for the first time which quite intimidated me. Seriously, it's head came up to my chin!!! Scary for a hundred pound little girl..

Nine, I got to go to Scottsdale for a shopping trip but didn't think about the fact that it was Easter Sunday and it was possible that all the stores would be closed. My bad. BUT I've never seen so many awesome cars and big a** mansions on hillsides in my life, so...cool trip.

That's all I have time for right now, I'm off to the DMV to wait in line for hours and hours to get a horrible picture taken of me and put on my new Arizona license :)

Ciao!

-Jourdan

What I've been doing lately...

Why hello all!

I have officially started blogging again, and let me tell you it has been so refreshing for me. I love being able to share my thoughts with the random blog world. So as you all know, I recently moved to Arizona and I am loving it so much! The house is pretty much in shambles with clutter and misplaced things all over its horizontal surfaces. So much "stuff" without a home. Hopefully this weekend will prove successful in getting it all cleaned up. My room is almost finished; my bed is all put together and my closet is full of all my clothes...yes, there were a TON to put away. You don't really realize how much junk you have until you move! Seriously, I threw away so much stuff from my room, I even gave away a bunch of my clothes to my little cousin Kaylee and still! I had a minimum of 7 boxes to unload into my little 12 by 12 bedroom. And that's nothing compared to how much has gone into this massive house. I'm guessing this place is probably about 1000 square feet bigger than our last place and it seems like there isn't enough space for all our stuff! I think it's just because there isn't a place for everything. It kind of looks like an old antique store in here with all the random furniture scattered around!

I do love this kitchen, though. We've made so many delicious meals in here already, it's gotten truly broken in! Momma made creme brule this afternoon and we are going to bring it to 'Grazie' tonight for Friday night dinner :) Okay, so Friday night dinner has become somewhat of a tradition around here. My parents happened to meet a few awesome people who love to drink wine at the authentic Italian restaurant here in Verrado, and what do you know...Friday night drinks at Grazie became quite popular! The last time us kids came to visit, we went to Grazie for the first time and loved it. Franco (the very Italian owner) came out and did the "Heyyy! Howa you doin??!" with the hand motions and everything. He makes special canoles for mom with no chocolate chips just for her :) We are already like family! So anyways, today is Friday and undeniably we will be having canoles at Pizzeria Grazie tonight. I can't wait!

I have gotten sunburned more times than I can remember already and we've only been here for a week! I think I have a perpetual collarbone burn goin' on. I have faithfully loved that lawn chair on the left of the lap pool and what has it given me in return? Nothing but pain. So there you go, I am not so lucky in love these days...I've gotten burned every time. I think I will trade in my pain for a few luxurious hours of sun beams on my face though. Lawn chair, you will not scare me away!

Pretty sure I love summer, but I will definitely miss the gorgeous winter days in Tri Cities. I love wearing sweaters and boots while walking with a good friend through the leaves or unsuccessfully throwing snowballs at someone three feet away. The big maple trees, the flowing river, the house with so many memories in it. Yes, these things I will miss but God has given me so many other things to be thankful for. I will always love what I had in Washington but I am SURE that He has greater things for me here.

Blessings to all you people I love so much,
XOXO
jourdan

A Funny Feeling

Today I am ambushed by a funny feeling...one that makes me wonder why I am here. What is the purpose of moving to a whole new state, a whole new life? How come I have to leave all of my friends and family for the uncertainties of Buckeye? Seriously? Why can't I just stay where I know everyone, every coffee shop, and how to work the microwave? I am seemingly confused right now about a lot of things but the biggest one that is on my mind is how to deal with these feelings.

I think I am probably the most laid back person on the planet. So how in the world (and when!) did I all of a sudden become all stressed out and feeling lost? I can't seem to put together all of the pieces floating around in my brain. At any given moment of any random day I am thinking about a million things and they are all fighting for my attention. They zoom around inside my head with no particular path to follow, like me. They sometimes bump into the other bajillion thoughts and apologize sincerely before zooming off to the next unknown destination. I honestly feel like one of those thoughts.

Yes, I am comparing myself to a figment of my imagination, literally, but it is the quickest way to describe the flurry of emotions rolling about in my overloaded brain.

I always loved the movie 'You've Got Mail'. It turns around the priorities of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox until all they can focus on is eachother. When her business is crashing down around her, she is able to seek solace with her internet soul mate Joe Fox. He gives her expert advice, because little did she know, he was in the book business himself...And he helps her through the hardest of times. I feel like I relate to these characters in more way than one!

"The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.' And the answer to your question is 'Go to the mattresses.' You're at war. 'It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal it's business.' Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death." - Joe Fox

Fight! Fight to the death! Don't let the enemy know you're losing it...That makes sense, huh?

Here's another one:

"I met a man in an elevator today who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he." - Joe Fox

And another:

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" - Joe Fox

Actually, I just like that one :) Not really sure if it has any deep meaning...So I will leave you with this winner:

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void." - Kathleen Kelly

So with that, I send my questions out into the void of cyberspace. I don't seek answers from people or even the Godfather himself. I'm just getting them out of my head and onto some cyber-paper so they don't have to come out of my mouth. I find the same relief comes from writing a thought down as it does when you speak it. So instead of boring someone with my questions, I send them away for anyone to read and digest.

Goodnight dear void,
Jourdan Elisabeth