Ballet, Little Kiddies, and a very tired Miss Jourdan

This coming week is going to be hell for me. Hell in a good way...maybe. It all depends on so many things that i just can't even go into it all right now. But this I will tell you:

I start teaching 'Razmataz Yoga' for kids ages 2-5 at the club tomorrow morning at ten.

I've never ever taught a yoga class. Ever! I took a class once last year, but that's about it. Good thing those little three year olds don't care if you're yoga teaching certified or if you can do the lotus pose. Good, cuz I can't.

Much running around, making moo noises, and sitting criss cross applesauce will occur.

I also am working tomorrow from 7:30 to 1:00 and somehow this fact didn't even cross my employer's mind. So I'm working at the club, then leaving real fast to teach a class down the hall, then coming back to finish off work till the afternoon. Phew! And this will most likely be the pattern for the rest of the week too...

I will be teaching Razmataz Yoga, Fit Kids (ages 6-11 fitness class), and Ballet each two times a week.

I get TWO ballet classes; one for ages 2-5, and one for ages 6-11! I am SOOOO excited. I love ballet, and little kids running around in leotards and tight buns (hair, not bums buns). This class is going to be a blast. I got together all my music today, and am currently putting together lesson plans and whatnot. Did I say I was excited?

I still have to do laundry tonight if I want to have a clean outfit for tomorrow. Did I mention it's already eleven? My work shirt is dirty. Like, some kid in kids club spit up all over it and it still smells like barf. I'm thinking the sacrifice of staying up a little later to finish laundry is worth not smelling like a dead fish.

I attempted at putting together a lesson plan for yoga tomorrow, and I really really hope it's not too complicated for the kids. Lots of games and animal mimicking; can't be too hard right?

We shall see.

So I am off to the washer and dryer with high hopes of erasing the pukey smell from my one and only work shirt. I really need to get another one of those :)


***I still haven't recovered the mystery of the missing camera...I promise I will put up pics as soon as it is found! Pray that I find it, would ya?***

While you're at it, pray that I get some sleep tonight and my class doesn't go haywire tomorrow. Thanks.

Loves to you all!

Jourdan

I'm Back!

This trip can easily be described:

The MOST fun I've ever had in my life.

Yeah, it was that great. It was so nice to be able to let loose for a while and just have a good time. I met all of my sister's friends and they quickly became my friends as well. We went to the beach, we went to The Grad for line dancing (I snuck in - apparently I look at least 18), we got to see Josh Gracin perform an acoustic live performance outside on campus (which was mind blowingly awesome), we drank all the Starbucks you could possibly imagine and then some, we shared a living space so close we could hear eachother breathing at night, and had an overall amazing adventurous time.

I even went to a few of my sisters' classes with her, which was butt numbingly boring but produced some very interesting doodles. One was of a whole living room setup with furniture...random!

I met so many people, I can't even recall half of their names or faces.

I had my first public shower experience. AWKWARD!

I learned the electric slide - now I will be able to whip out my mad electric slide skills at weddings and dances. Nice. Always wanted to do that :)

I realized that hoodies really aren't that bad...I haven't worn a hoodie for yeeeears, but it's all the rage in college, it was basically a requirement for the soccer game. Warm, cozy, and cute! Who knew??

I ate college food. Two words - brokli wokli. A steamable bag of broccoli you can put straight in the microwave and then melt cheese over and eat. Not bad!

I went to the farmers market with momma in downtown San Luis Obispo which was also awesome. We got the best lentil soup and walked around for a while. What character that city has.

I was THIS close to Josh Gracin. Like he was literally twenty feet away. I'm no crazy fan like so many college age girls are, but he is just so adorable!! How could you not like him?? He did this awesome set with all my favorite songs and an acoustic guitar. Three guys - him, and two others on acoustic guitars and occasionally a mandolin looking thing.

I got a lot of the concert on camera.



I also lost the camera.



I know, I know...I hyped up the whole picture taking thing in my earlier post, but alas, it is nowhere to be found. Tragic! I am sooo sad about this. I took some great pics too! The beach, the girls, the beach, the sand, the mountains next to the beach..I mean, really great photos.

Okay okay, so I didn't take as many as I wanted to, but still! It was enough to give you all a taste of my trip. I even took special "blog" photos, like the crazy sign in front of the beach that said "don't touch marine wildlife; confirmed shark attack August 2003"

I wish I could share them all with you... *sad face*

I will post them as soon as I find the mysterious missing camera. Promise.

Alright, well i have quite a bit to do now that I'm back. Homework piled up, work stuff to figure out, and a loving family to catch up with.

Thanks so much for all your warm wishes!

XOXO

Jourdan

Off We GO!

Well, it all worked out!! The brakes are done on the car, my work schedule is free, my mom has a place to stay, and we are OUTTA here! I'm bringing my camera (i made sure this time) so I'll be sure to post some fun pics of our trip when i get back. Until then, you will just have to live without me in the blog world. Be back Saturday!

Loves to all my wonderful readers,
XOXO
Jourdan

My Wonderful Babbling Qualities - are what you love most about me, i promise.

Alright, Alright, enough with the seriousness! Today I am having a wonderful morning, I woke up early (early, meaning 8:15), had some granola with yogurt, and am writing this cute little post. Most of the time, waking up early puts me in a little bit of a bad mood, but today I am feeling giddy! Sometimes this happens to me, I get in this weird funk where I actually want to wake up early and get a head start on my day. It doesn't happen often, but on that rare occasion that it does, I like to take advantage of it. I already started a load of wash!

See, tomorrow is a hopeful one for me. I am wishing and hoping and praying that all the bugs get worked out and me and my mom can go on our roadtrip to CALI! We were supposed to leave tomorrow and drive all of 8 hours to go visit my sister at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo and stay with her until Saturday. I was so excited because:

One, Josh Gracin (an adorable and successful country singer that I am in love with) is performing at the college, outside on Thursday afternoon...and you know us girls, we looooove our country music. Especially when the singer is cute :)

Two, I would get to stay in my sister's dorm with her...How fun is that?? I'd probably be sleeping on the floor, considering you can actually see it! But still - it's bonding time. Two sisters and a random roommate crashing in a ten by twelve dorm room where snacks, flannel, and love abound. I am so stoked!

Three, I love my sister more than any other sister loves their sister and I can't wait to see her because she lives eight hours away and it's not often that I do get to see her. Phew!

Four, as my sister informed me a few days ago, there is a COLLEGE MEN'S SOCCER GAME on Friday night, also at the college, and let. me. tell. you. what. what? Us girls love our men's soccer!! Heck, my mother could've made it onto the US Women's Olympic team (if there is such a sort) in soccer if she wanted to. She's crazy good.

And five........all the wonderful things that ensue when you get a mother and a daughter to drive eight hours in a car non-stop. No seriously! Me and my mom have a history of successful dead boring long road trips. We do good. Last time we did it was from our old house in Washington to San Luis Obispo California to drop of Jess at school. Now THAT is a dead boring long road trip. But we made the best of it with In'n'out burgers and classic road trip tunes. I told you, we have fun!!

So all of these things are what make me super super duper excited for this all out girl trip. It's like Lorelei sleeping over in Rory's dorm on her first night of college - giggling girls, take-out, and a generational gap that no one seems to notice, or care about.

There are just a few things that are keeping us from jumping in the car RIGHT NOW and zooming over there. (We already changed the brake pads on the car, what more needs to get done????) A few things, let me tell ya.

But I won't tell ya. It's boring.

I just hope everything works out for the best and we get our Josh Gracin, giggling girls, and college soccer game this weekend!!!




Me and my sister way back when i had long blond hair and braces and, well, she still looked cute. Unbelievable.





Peace and love to you all,
XOXO
Jourdan

Let Go

Sometimes words just flow out of you when you least expect it. You can't do anything about it, they come when they come. Sometimes you will find yourself writing about the weirdest things. The flow of the words can overtake you. That passion, buried deep inside, suddenly gets dug up and used. Distributed. Like seed in a barren land. Everyone has it, not everyone uses it, and still some don't know they have it. I've seen it before. In me.

I can stand there and tell you all day long what the world looks like to God's eyes. I can stand there and tell you that passion comes from deep within, like a longing we all possess but continually push down inside. I can tell you about freedom, and how it should feel when you are free. I can preach to myself about life and love and death. I can see what the miraculous would look like, but it's all in my mind. Everything I know is real, but I lock it up in my head and my heart where I'll never really see it.

You won't see any of it until you let go.

Letting go is like jumping and free falling off a cliff. It takes you a while to inch your way to the edge, but by the time you do, you freak out at the mass of air below you and run back the way you came. Letting go of everything that holds you back is probably the hardest thing any man could overcome. I'm not sure any man has it in them to really do it. It means freeing your mind, body, and soul from all the inhibitions that once guided you. Grappling with the life you once knew and the life you could lead.

For me, letting go means going outside and running into the fading sunlight until I can hardly breathe. Sometimes I run up the mountains where I run for the sheer satisfaction of seeing something no one else can see. That alone could be the thing that takes my breath away. It's when I reach that point, when I can't even remember what catching my breath feels like, that I feel truly free. It's a release, like I can't get rid of my spiritual toxins without literally sweating them out.

Today I went on a mountainous adventure. The whole day I felt horrible and sedentary, like it was just 'one of those days'. I can't tell you exactly what was going through my mind, or why I felt the way I did. All I know is that I felt cooped up - and for way too long. That's what I do when I need a release, I go for a run. So run, I did.

I started out just jogging through the neighborhood...until I caught the view of the sun starting to set on the mountains. As I was running down the bike paths, I had the most perfect view of the sunset. Next thing I know, I'm setting my iPod to some awe-inspiring tunes and running full speed towards the mountains. I didn't know where I was going, or where I would end up. I just ran.

Turns out I was headed straight towards a beautiful little beaten path that lead up the mountain to a gorgeous look out spot. All of a sudden my heart was pounding in my chest and my adrenaline was pumping through my veins like I was the hulk. Somehow I had found the energy to run all out up this mountain without stopping or turning back.

I made it. I found the little place I would soon call my own. Sure, people had been there before, but somehow it was "mine".

The sun was setting gracefully on the hills to my left with a breathtaking view of Phoenix in front of me. Glorious! I sat there for a while, just taking it all in, as my weary body caught a much needed break. It was right then and there that all of my guilt, worries, and fears, melted away. Like as I sweat them out, the desert just sucked them up like water.

Everything I heard and saw was like poetry in itself. Everything God created was right there before me - and I would never be able to write how beautiful it was. How do I put words to something outside of time and space - too big for our minds to really understand? How do I describe the nature I didn't create?

Well, as smart as I am, I still tried...
:)

I'll post that next poem, describing my experience on my crazy mountain adventure, at a later date...to be announced!








Sometimes we write out of experience, and sometimes we experience because we write.

Summer Rains

If you've ever been to Phoenix, Arizona you know that it is HOT HOT HOT. *insert jamaican song..."feelin hot hot hot"*

But I guess the weather has been feeling a little rebellious lately, maybe it got that from me. Because here's the thing, everyone who talks about the weather here says it's always dry and only rains but two or three times a year. Well you know what? We've only lived here for a little over a month and it has already rained three times!!! Three!

It's actually kind of cool because I've been missing the rainy Washington weather lately. I just loooove the smell of rain in the air; I love how the ground seems satisfied after a good long soak. I love the feel of cold water on my skin when it's 100 degrees outside. Who wouldn't right??

Last night I was in the basement, just minding my own business, when I heard the familiar pitter patter of rain drops on the windows. I thought,


"what is that sound? It's so familiar, but then again so not...i remember...but i don't...pitter patter...hmm, what could that be? is the dryer broken? wait a minute, oh my gosh! is it raining?"

Yes, it took that long for me to make the connection between the sound and the cause of the sound. Sad, I know. I've already lived here too long.

So I ran up the stairs, burst open the front door, and ran out to the grass that was, in fact, wet. My bare feet were absolutely delighted to meet the rain again. It was like a happy reunion between old friends. It's a weird thing to miss, but there you go. I miss the rain. And God gave it to me! It has rained two straight days in a row since then! (it's usually only at night, but still. It's magical.)




Actually yesterday it was overcast and only got up to 80-somethin. After weeks and weeks of 105 and sunny, 80-somethin feels downright chilly! We went out to dinner last night in celebration of my little brothers' graduation from the 8th grade...shout out to my bro! love you!...and I was wearing jeans and a short sleeve sweater thingy. When I got out of the car, I literally got chills and felt like I needed a jacket. I guess I'm finally acclimating! I never thought I would see the day when I felt cold in 80 degree weather. Crazy.

So weather, just keep doing what you're doing.

mmm, rain.

Ireland really is the perfect place for me :)



***Update: the paint in the family room is finally done, all of the cubbies are coated with a nice chocolate brown. The kitchen also got it's wash of color (pale yellow), it looks great. I will put up pictures ASAP!!
Oh, and I got a job! I am now working at the Village Health Club at Verrado doing kids club (watching all the kids while their mommies work out), and hopefully some front desk work. I will also be starting ballet classes at the beginning of June, which i am ultimately excited to teach. I'll also be doing some other kids fitness classes on the side. (I'm doing the happy dance right now)***

My Heart Runs Freely

the cold winter mornings
of crisp contentment
plays on my heart strings
like a jack frost tenant
the floor that you like
is topped with dew on its surface
its face grows dimension
when he's drinking in earnest
my feet long for love
can be found with a chill
the ground mixed with water
till the grass has its fill

i long for the day when mountains will greet me
the flowers look lively and the colors collide
each one with another till it marks a discovery
the sun rises over the peaks, so bright
i run to the tippy of tops to take flight
i can sing with the air
that rushes into my lungs
i take a deep deep breath
till i can't get enough
my eyes are so full of light love and color
that my ears take a moment to hear and discover
a world unseen by patterns and consequence
only love can endure here

here in this light fest...

running is nothing when your legs break free
from the chains of normalcy
the mountain air is so crisp and full of life
no words can describe
the life he has created
no tongue can explain the sheer beauty and kind
oh rocks hear my cry
oh rivers, my mind!
when you run into nature
it greets you with creativity
come into my gardens and inhale of the lilies
there is so much to do and to see!
cracks and caves to discover
waves of water to dance in

can you feel the light?
don't tell me you don't, i'll just tell you to try
try harder and harder
it won't be missed. you'll see it one day
you'll feel those fragrant lilies and laugh on the sunbeams
you'll cry like the waterfalls that won't be held back
it's like pressure that refuses to be stopped by a boulder..

i wish so hard that sometimes my heart crumbles
my eyes fill with tears, so hot and unsure
so unsteady and overflowing
the lightness of love just pushes them over

just try and compare it, you can't
just believe it.

Before's After's and Lots of Paint

The sharp smell of paint fills my house and you cannot escape it no matter where you go. Upstairs, downstairs, kitchen, or bathroom; you will always be smelling paint. That's what happens when you decide that you don't like the color of the walls and every single wall is the exact same color. Do you know what that means? It means you have to paint every single wall, or at least a bunch of them with a color SO distinct that you won't remember how ugly the previous one was. So that is what we are doing! Me and mom, working hard, sporting the paint tee and cutoffs. It's a really good look.

Want to see photos??

Here are the before's:



















































Yeah, like a sandstorm right?? I think my dad really puts it best..."it's like a sandstorm just blew through the entire house and coated every single surface. The carpets are sandstorm, the walls are sandstorm, even the dirt outside is sandstorm...you just can't escape it." So we did something drastic.

Drum roll pleeeease!!!

dun dun duh DUN!

The afters: (not the band, although they are quite good...)






































































And this one is just a cool painting we hung in one of the niches in the hallway. I just really like it, is all. Oh and by the way, the little cubbies next to the mantle are currently being painted with a chocolate brown, but they aren't finished yet! Just imagine... :)

Those weights are not your friend...

WOW, what a couple of days it has been...I just have to tell you this one little story :)

Okay so my mom and I have been dutifully going to a butt kickin' muscle-cardio class here in Verrado that has absolutely changed my life. It is the hardest thing I've ever done and I think I've "almost passed out" like five times already. It got so bad that I actually hyperventilated. No really!! And I'm not your typical work out "chicken" either...I love working out and I go for runs as often as I can. But this class is seriously kicking my butt. I mean, she's bringin out the steps, the pilates mats, the heavy weights, the small weights (only to be paired with the heavy weights to make even HEAVIER weights), the exercise balls, the techno music...Oh yeah, we're going allll out.

So the funny story goes a little something like this:

We're all workin out happily, yelling out our "whoo-hoo's" at all the right moments. All us girls, jumping around like morons in a sweaty haze of endorphin highs. Then the teacher tells us to go get our heavy weights and of course, I run to them with ferver. I love those heavy weights...*ahem...not. Anyways, as I go to pick up my 'heavies' I somehow find myself caught between my mom's five pounder and a wall. Fancy that. She forcefully lifts up her five pound weight just as my head is bowed over my own five pounders to pick them up off the floor. BAM! My head literally rings like a bell that just got smacked inside of my brain. A goose egg the size of...well, a goose egg...immediately swells up on the side of my forehead.

"OOOOWWCH!! Moooom! Why in the world would you do that??"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Honey, I am SO sorry! I just didn't see ya there! Are you okay??"

"Umm, no??" *i lift my hand off the bulge on my forehead "Does it look okay to you?"

"Gasp! Oh my gosh!" ... silence ... "wow"

And now I'm thinking, "What, is my head sliced open with my brains pouring out for all the world to see? What's this "wow"??

Then I curiously peek in the mirror next to my face. Oh, my poor poor face. And yes, it was definitely worthy of the 'wow'. A two inch diameter circle had raised up over my right eyebrow making me look like Tom on Tom and Jerry when he gets smacked over the head with a frying pan. I had a permanent questioning look on my face because of my raised up eyebrow. No lie! The goose egg was literally a half inch off my face.

And keep in mind you all that this is all in complete public! All the girls are staring my direction feeling sad for me and especially sad for my mom who must feel just awful right now. Yeah, most people felt the greatest empathy towards my mother. Okay IM the one that got whacked full on in the head with a five pound weight people!!!

So long story short, I sat on the bathroom tile with an ice pack frozen to my forehead for twenty minutes, we couldn't finish the class, and my mom had to sign a form saying we wouldn't sue the gym or something. Yeah, some day huh?

I thought so.

Buuuut, I got to lay on the couch for the rest of the day watching Gilmore Girls and receiving free breakfast in bed. Or in couch, I suppose.

It was horribly...wonderful!!!

XOXO
Jourdan

Mother To the Motherless

It was the most beautiful day of summer today. I woke up to the cleaning ladies vacuuming the rec room and the smell of bacon wafting from the upstairs. I love it when people cook breakfast!!! No, i do not do it for myself, i just like it when others do :)

It all started as a normal day...until the panic began.

It's MOTHERS DAY tomorrow!! My mother who works oh so hard to please us all deserves to be showered with all the best gifts. I love her. She keeps me going when things are tough, and always has the BEST advice. For anyone! She is like the mother to the motherless. People go to her all the time with questions about relationships, health (she used to be a nurse), and cooking. She's basically the best mom ever.

I know! Isn't it weird that I love my own mother so much?? I'M even surprised by it! I mean, I'm just a normal headstrong 17 year old girl with a healthy love of Gilmore Girls and piercings...I should have a horrible relationship with my mother. I should criticize her every move and talk about her behind her back with my friends. I should yell at her when things don't go my way and get mad at her for nothing. I should completely overlook the fact that she cooks me food and gets stains out of my white shirts. Yes, I should do all of these things. But I don't!!! Well, I try not to anyways :)

I L O V E my mother. If you've seen Gilmore Girls, I like to think of our relationship like Rory and Lorelai. Of course, sometimes we have our days when we fight or whatever, but for the most part we get along.

So tomorrow is Mothers Day and we usually cook her breakfast in bed and let her lounge around all day. Her only "thing" is that she doesn't want to have to cook for all of mothers day. So that's what we usually do! But this time I want to get her something special!

I get my mom and grandma to come up to town with me and we walk into a cute little clothing boutique. She looks at this cute white dress and goes "oohhhh that is cute!" SOOOOOO, i make her try it on even though she tries to tell me it's too expensive. What do you know, it was gorgeous on her! It's like a little white fairy dress that you can wear at the pool over a bathingsuit or something. Totally cute!

So i buy it for her :) I absolutely love buying gifts for people, it pushes ALL of my happy buttons! I am so excited for Mothers Day now, I can't wait for her to be able to flaunt it at the pool!!

So mother, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU! You are the best mom in the whole wide world. No, the whole frickin wide universe plus all the planets and crap. I don't know ;) You're just great.

XOXO
Jourdan

Who Says Swimming isn't a Workout???

I'll try coppertone, I'll try.

Well it is officially 105 degrees. That is a frickin' lot of degrees for where I come from!! If I go outside, will my skin burn so badly it'll fall off?? If I forget sunscreen on my neck will I become a redneck?? Can I even GO outside? I think I'll look ridiculous next to all the tan people here...

Maybe if I just get some Coppertone, I'll look like that little tan kid on the label!!

Okay well I'm off to brave the rays at the pool to do some laps after my BRUTAL workout yesterday. "Muscle-Cardio". Holy crap, kicked my butt. Anyways, I am so sore today that anything above floating around in 95 degree water is just absolutely out of the question!! And plus, it is so dang hot out I would never be able to go for a run. So there's my logic.

Swim time!!!

Where Our Paths Meet

So...I've had this thought on my mind for quite some time now. Since I was about 13 years old, as a matter of fact!! Do you know what it is?? Can you guess? I bet you could come up with a pretty good one, considering the age hint *wink wink*. Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

Where will I meet "the one"? Who is he? What color eyes will he have? How mysterious will he be? Will it be love at first sight?

All right, so I'm not really one to obsess over things like this, but...can you blame me? I've only been thinking about it since I was an adolescent girl, after I watched 'A Walk To Remember'. Oh, now THAT's a story to be told..........


I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, at my best friend's birthday party. She had been my loyal "bff" ever since we shared our cookies-to-be-shared-with-the-class on the bus on that fateful day of Kindergarten. We vowed we would only eat one...or two...or five...or the whole BAG! Yes, it was both of our birthdays and we ate ALL of the cookies right there on the bus. I guess you could say we had somewhat of a bond after that. We ran from the icky boys on the playground from that day until third or fourth grade, when they stopped being so icky (hehe). A couple of other things happened after that, including me switching schools, but we always remained the best of friends.

So this one particular year, our thirteenth (i think), she had a FABulous party at her mom's house with a halloween theme. It was epic. I had such a blast, and it was always nice to get to see my old bff. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom and two older sisters. Can you say girl party??? It was heaven for a blossoming preteen girl. We ate "mom's munchies", which consisted of super buttered popcorn, gummi worms, milk duds, sweet tarts, jawbreakers, and any other unhealthy snack we could find around the house. Her mom insisted it was the best snack known to man...or woman, i should say, and forced me to try it. It was SO good. Like, THIS good (hand motions expressing my adamant love for this particular munchie). Anyways, we ate mom's munchies and watched movies all night long. Like I said, epic.

But by the end of the night many of the girls had gone home because of basketball practice early the next morning, or because they weren't "allowed" to stay the night. I, however, had my sleeping bag all ready to go in front of the TV with a bowl of munchies conveniently six inches away from my hand. We watched a few movies I had already seen, and it was pretty fun...UNTIL. The final movie in the sugar crazed chick flick marathon...A Walk To Remember with Mandy Moore and that other guy. I hadn't seen it yet and couldn't wait to finally join the crowd of pre-teen girls all over the world, chatting about it, loving it, crying during it. So there I go, walking into my destiny as a real woman. Bff eventually fell asleep somewhere near the part where the movie title comes up on the screen at the very beginning, and I had the movie all to myself. Actually I think this was a good thing as it contributed to my ability to be free to cry and blubber all I wanted without being reminded of my pathetic-ness.



And cry and blubber, I did. I didn't know anything about the story and had no idea she was going to die of leukemia (sorry for the spoiler...if you haven't seen it yet, which all you women should at some point in your lives, just pretend you have no idea what's going to happen while watching it). But somehow, I was completely drawn into the romance between Landon Carter and Jamie Sullivan. It was the first of many chick flicks for me...Ever since that fateful night of munchies and french toast (yes, french toast at night) I was ruined for romance movies and novels. Well, not really romance movies per se, just the fact that I loved to watch someone else fall in love in a magical way and wish it was me.

So that was when it began. It was when I found out boys didn't have cooties, and that popcorn and candy was in fact the best combination you could ever put in your mouth.

ALLLLL that to say, I've been thinking about my whirlwind romance that I'll eventually have a lot lately. Probably because I've been a wee bit lonely in the new home/state as of late. It doesn't really matter why I'm thinking about it, I just am. Remember that last post where I told you all about what I wanted for my future?? Well I forgot one part. I want to fall in love. I'm still not so sure about the whole "having babies" part, but I'm sure I'll warm up to the thought of puking children and poop stains on the carpet eventually. No need to rush, I always say.

"Love is like the wind, you cannot see it but you can always feel it."

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

Both characters were eighteen and still in high school when they fell in love...I'm seventeen. And graduating this year. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but I feel ready. Not necessarily for love, but for adventure. For going out on my own and finding myself. Perhaps I'll fall in love when I least expect it, when I'm traveling the world, just an unsuspecting girl caught up in a beautiful romance...Except for the whole dying of leukemia thing. That part doesn't have to happen :)

Who hasn't dreamed of being the character in their favorite movie?? See? I'm not crazy.

I may have a small case of wishful thinking, but definitely not crazy!!

Seize The Day

I guess it's Poetry Week here at Saving Grace, I just can't stop writing! Hope you don't get too bored :) I had this weird creative bit that lasted about 24 hours the other day, so I just typed up a bunch of random stuff and saved them as drafts. I thought I might as well share them!!

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I will become in the future; what I'll be doing, where i'll be living. It's all such a jumbled up mess, that the best way I process is through poetry. Sitting at the piano bench, frantically scribbling down chords and melodies - things like that. Creativity must stem from hardship, because I've never written so much poetry and music in my lifetime!!

This is my heart:

I want to go to Ireland, I want to be a singer than influences people all around the world with the music I play, I want to be an artist that travels to unknown lands to put on canvas or paper the things that no one else has seen. I want to be someone who is worthy of the term 'influential'. I want to run and skip and adventure through wild countries and mountains, in search of who knows what. I want to build a house just how I'd like it, with prophetic artwork and furniture and rooms that actually mean something. I want to live upstairs from a cute little bakery and cafe in a small Italian town where all the 'regulars' come to visit at 8:00am...Newspapers, reading glasses, and old familiar faces. I want everything that happens from now until I die to mean something. This is bigger than what will I do this summer...it's bigger than the immediate, but definitely not limited to the long-term. I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I just want to matter. I want God to look down on me with pride and affection, I want Him to be able to say "well done my good and faithful servant". It's all about making a difference.

Most people don't hit this point in their lives until mid-life, or whenever they decide that everything they've ever done is 'meaningless' (from Ecclesiastes). I am ahead of the curve, I'm already dissatisfied with the petty, the normal, the steady homemaker lifestyle. I want something more!! I was created for more...wasn't I?



"I can't feel anymore...

All of the stuff I used to know,
Things that used to be important.
They all fall away

They don't want to be a part of me anymore.
That's okay, I understand.
I wouldn't want to be inside of me right now either.

I have no life, no one to hold
Not a single friend to call my own.
I wish I could stay in comfy-land forever.
But that wouldn't be wise, considering the weather.

He told me it would get rough,
He said it'd be hard...
But sometimes I'd rather face the weather
Than see what I've become through my heart's broken shards."



I think this one will eventually be put to music...



"Roaming, Roaming
Carefully searching
For someone who cares
But he's not even there.

Ranting, Raving
Political exclaiming
It all seems so petty
Wouldn't you rather get ready?

Be careful, He said
For the winds, they'll keep changing.
You must be on the lookout or
Life won't keep waiting.

Take it! Run.
Run so fast, you can fly
If winds will not take you
Then try till you die.

If love is a fast song
Than play it a new way
Forge a new path...
By force, seize the new day."


Now go share a cup of coffee with a good friend, and laugh about things that have happened in your week...Get happy! Enjoy what life has for you and never forget to 'run with the wind'. (No Pocahontas reference intended)

:)

The Only

Tears of loneliness swept over me,
I cannot forget the one I once cared for.
My heart shouts from the tallest cliff:
"Show me!"

My crying out seems not to be heard,
I cannot find another word.

Show me the path that leads to great mercy.
Be near to me now,
For not even words can explain.

You are the only one who knows my heart,
My lovely, my only...my One True Love.

Cramming words into music simply will not do,
My feelings of joy, love, and fear
Are going too fast
For words to explain, or a love to attain.
Instead, I give up.
"I can't"

"I won't ever," "I shouldn't," or "please forgive me"
Show no meaning of my heart.
Because words are just words,
And when lonely becomes lonely
It's just a kind way to say
"I'm not worthy."

Circles and mirrors both show you the endless...
For a circle is only one line sewn together,
A mirror is a reflection of the life you let wither.
Faint is the heart of a cord with one strand,
But strong for a while if combined to no end.

I can't, I can't, I will not.

-Jourdan Meyers, 'The Only'

Some Italy Pics I Felt Like Sharing...

I just couldn't resist!!! I have been thinking about traveling NON-STOP for a week or two now...all of a sudden I started reminiscing about my trip to Europe and couldn't help but look at all the pictures again! Then I got all caught up in how beautiful they were, I just had to share them with you all :) Enjoy enjoy!

(Most of these pics are from Orvieto or Cortona, both beautiful cities in Tuscany. Cortona, if you remember, was the same city Diane Lane bought her little villa in 'Under The Tuscan Sun'...great movie. If you haven't seen it, WATCH it!!! Change your life :) Okay so anyways, I don't have very many, but the few I do have are gorgeous. Click on them to make 'em bigger!!)



this is a small part of the villa my family rented out for a few weeks in Tuscany. It was HUGE! And, infested with bugs and lizards...hey, what can you do.






where i want to live (below)...wouldn't it be marvelous to step outside your door and see THIS?? friendly flowers greet your nose, while the blushing colors of spring are coming alive all around you. Ahh, that is the life.






this is where Diane Lane wrote the postcard..."i can smell the purple!"





Okay, so I lied..the last two pictures were from Belgium. But just as pretty, no? The one that looks like a paparazzi picture was completely coincidental. And yes, it is me. Keep in mind folks, this was a looong time ago!!

Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks installment of 'Pics for Fun', I might end up doing it again soon!!