Let Go

Sometimes words just flow out of you when you least expect it. You can't do anything about it, they come when they come. Sometimes you will find yourself writing about the weirdest things. The flow of the words can overtake you. That passion, buried deep inside, suddenly gets dug up and used. Distributed. Like seed in a barren land. Everyone has it, not everyone uses it, and still some don't know they have it. I've seen it before. In me.

I can stand there and tell you all day long what the world looks like to God's eyes. I can stand there and tell you that passion comes from deep within, like a longing we all possess but continually push down inside. I can tell you about freedom, and how it should feel when you are free. I can preach to myself about life and love and death. I can see what the miraculous would look like, but it's all in my mind. Everything I know is real, but I lock it up in my head and my heart where I'll never really see it.

You won't see any of it until you let go.

Letting go is like jumping and free falling off a cliff. It takes you a while to inch your way to the edge, but by the time you do, you freak out at the mass of air below you and run back the way you came. Letting go of everything that holds you back is probably the hardest thing any man could overcome. I'm not sure any man has it in them to really do it. It means freeing your mind, body, and soul from all the inhibitions that once guided you. Grappling with the life you once knew and the life you could lead.

For me, letting go means going outside and running into the fading sunlight until I can hardly breathe. Sometimes I run up the mountains where I run for the sheer satisfaction of seeing something no one else can see. That alone could be the thing that takes my breath away. It's when I reach that point, when I can't even remember what catching my breath feels like, that I feel truly free. It's a release, like I can't get rid of my spiritual toxins without literally sweating them out.

Today I went on a mountainous adventure. The whole day I felt horrible and sedentary, like it was just 'one of those days'. I can't tell you exactly what was going through my mind, or why I felt the way I did. All I know is that I felt cooped up - and for way too long. That's what I do when I need a release, I go for a run. So run, I did.

I started out just jogging through the neighborhood...until I caught the view of the sun starting to set on the mountains. As I was running down the bike paths, I had the most perfect view of the sunset. Next thing I know, I'm setting my iPod to some awe-inspiring tunes and running full speed towards the mountains. I didn't know where I was going, or where I would end up. I just ran.

Turns out I was headed straight towards a beautiful little beaten path that lead up the mountain to a gorgeous look out spot. All of a sudden my heart was pounding in my chest and my adrenaline was pumping through my veins like I was the hulk. Somehow I had found the energy to run all out up this mountain without stopping or turning back.

I made it. I found the little place I would soon call my own. Sure, people had been there before, but somehow it was "mine".

The sun was setting gracefully on the hills to my left with a breathtaking view of Phoenix in front of me. Glorious! I sat there for a while, just taking it all in, as my weary body caught a much needed break. It was right then and there that all of my guilt, worries, and fears, melted away. Like as I sweat them out, the desert just sucked them up like water.

Everything I heard and saw was like poetry in itself. Everything God created was right there before me - and I would never be able to write how beautiful it was. How do I put words to something outside of time and space - too big for our minds to really understand? How do I describe the nature I didn't create?

Well, as smart as I am, I still tried...
:)

I'll post that next poem, describing my experience on my crazy mountain adventure, at a later date...to be announced!








Sometimes we write out of experience, and sometimes we experience because we write.